standing in my own way

Metro Mama's post today http://riverdalemama.blogspot.com really got me thinking. I've definitely fallen into the camp of "must do everything herself" while standing in line over at "my way is the right way" all while eating lunch at the Cafe "my partner really does do a lot". Or I stop by and visit my friend Dawn at www.truewifeconfessions.blogspot.com/ and then console myself that things are not as bad as some of THAT. I am a walking mixed message.

I am a walking mixed message because I'll spend substantial time complaining in my head about how woeful is me, and then I'll come home, do three loads of laundry, make dinner, hell, even buy the groceries. And then complain passive agressively instead of sitting back and truly sharing the load.

I mean, come on. What we are really talking about here is control. My need to control what happens in my home and child's life, and my faulty belief system that I am the one that holds the magic secret about how to keep the wheels turning.

Truth be told, I do not. I've just carved a righteous niche for myself and no one is standing in line to jump into an already churning cycle..I mean, who would? Would I?

J-Dog gently reminds me. He'll mention the miracle of keeping the said child alive in his presence while I am at work, or the fact that he's managed to keep himself alive and well for 35 years. And he does. And he does a bit more. Being relieved of the mommy pressure means he can focus on the fun stuff - stuff my kid clearly needs and thrives from. Stuff that I have my head too far up my ass to consider. And they have a great time. And if I ask, he'll do more. I know that isn't the case for every home, but I think it's the case more often than not. Men want to father. We just need to get out of the way and let them. And while it may not be "my" way, the way gets us where we need to go, and the trial and error is part of the journey, and the reward. Sometimes we just need to get the hell out of the way.