monsoon with chicken

So there we were: it's 10am, the sun in shining, it's 120 degrees, and we have no idea where the hell we are.

The bus driver abruptly kicked us off the bus and drove off, with the gorgeous children waving out the window. We stood for a moment on the curb to get our bearings, and realized we were indeed fucked. Time to find the bus station. We figured we were somewhere in southern/central Thailand, and we needed to be on the southwestern coast. We had arranged to meet some friends from the states at a bar on an island in 24 hours, and had no way of reaching them.

Our second realization was that we were not on the tourist track - none of the signs were in English, there were no "travel agents" or "taxis". We would walk patriotically up to shop owners with stupid grins and the Lonely Planet outstretched, only to be greeted and offered a purse or a rambutan, but no found no translation or even feigned interpretation. We were on our own. We tried for 3 hours to find the bus station to no avail. Yes, it was listed in the Lonely Planet, No, we could not find it. Yes, we think that is rather odd, too.

We were hot, tired, pissed; keep repeating those and that would about sum it up.

We were finally able to negotiate a ride to the coast on a mini-bus. The ride was 3 hours long (not bad) and cost quite a bit (pretty bad). Problem was, the bus didn't leave till it was full, and full was hours away. The "mini-bus" was an old VW van, and had seats for 8. Apparently 13 could fit if you really worked at it. And a chicken. And off we went.

The driver was a madman, swerving around buffalo, dogs, cars, and people. Driving well over 60 around blind corners, using his horn continuously to alert folks we were barreling towards them. And then a monsoon struck, and we were pummelled with water and wind and well, if the van is a rockin'....no one's getting the hell off.

So I did the only reasonable thing left to do, which was again, go to sleep. It was either that, or hyperventilate onto the chicken.

We somehow made it to the coast safe and sound. Now all we had to do was find a place to sleep and we were golden. Except all the guesthouses were full. That had never happened to us before on our entire trip. We probably could have taken a bus to the next town, but we were so tired, and so worn, and so terrified of where public transport might lead that we just couldn't bring ourselves to do it.

One of the guesthouse owners took pity on us and charged us $2 to sleep in her foyer. You know, the kind with dirty tile floors and 24 hour flourescent lights and lots of bugs buzzing around the light because there are no doors. Weird things happen in Thai foyers at 3am. Things we shall not speak of. But eventually morning was broken.


Now all we needed to do was find a boat.

I forgot to mention the dessert course earlier. Hope you left some room.