Sunday, November 23, 2008
So much of what I do now has the preface of the last time we do....whether it's the holiday meal we shared last night with friends to getting my hair colored by the woman I've been going to for the last decade. Silly stuff and not so silly, all of it has an import I can't really understand and yet am desperate to recognize.
Simply, the countdown is on.
I am leaving my work mid-January (for sure this time, date set and time certain) and we've given notice on our little house. Our belongings are slowly disappearing and yet every so often we look at each other thinking what the hell are we going to do with all of this stuff and shake our heads in wonder.
I'm watching M, she's starting to absorb some of this on her own, the latest is her loud declaration that she better never get bit by a mosquito. I look at her and hold her, baby, we are going to get bit. I'm sorry, but we will. And it will be OK.
Our plans continue to emerge, we have a number of friends and family who are eager to make the drive to the jungle with J, they see it as an adventure and I see it as a necessary appendage of strength in numbers while navigating two border crossings and the entire length of Mexico. It's an adventure I'd rather be a part of yet recognize the impossibility of subjecting M to such an expedition so we girls will stay in the states and fly down once he's there (and has presumably figured out how to ensure we have hot water), a long shot but one I'll be ever hopeful for till the reality of the ice cold water hits my face.
As I peer into the void the path is long and dark. I see questions everywhere and answers are cloudy yet we are primed to leap. At dinner last night a new friend, one who immigrated from third worldedness himself learned of our story and looked at us in dismay, our journey a backtracking of his years of work to make the USA his home. But why, he asked and as we told him ever aware of the naivete of our words and he slowly nodded his head. Formally he replied Well then, I wish you luck.
I'll take it, I think and we'll need it. The adventure continues to trump the unknowns even as I cling to what I know, prying it gently from my fingers on my way down.