all that and a side of rice

After a bit of recovery we headed south towards the islands. After a week or so of jumping around some gorgeous slices of paradise we had to get back to the mainland. We opted to take an overnight ferry back to the mainland (either that, or sanction a speed boat, and again, we are the latter, the poor, the ones with a backpack) so we figured, rock on - a nighttime cruise, beer on a deck, lanterns. Yum.

Not so much. We were each given a number, and those numbers were spaced a foot apart around the length of the boat. I realized quickly (damn if my observational skills aren't excellent) that those numbers were for our heads. And we were to lie down on the floor. About 4 minutes after that sunk in, the lights went off. Horizontal pitch blackness cum bizarre sleepaway camp for the next 4-5 hours. But it was actually cool in that really awful sort of way.

We were woken up to the sounds of people beating the side of the boat and yelling "get up. taxi. get up. taxi". We stumbled off the boat and were immediately herded into a 73 datsun, i mean, taxi. We said "bus stop" they said "no problem" and dumped us at a stall with a woman who said she was a travel agent. Shit. We've been down this road before. We want the public bus station. We are going to take a BUS. But oh no, there is NO bus station in this town. Fuckers and bullshit, people, yes there is - but after 20 minutes walking in the pitch black we give up and head back. It's 4am, it's raining, and you want 5X what a bus ticket would cost. You better have a supafine bus, bitch.
Oh yeah, supafine bus. No problem.

An hour later the woman yells "Go, Go, your bus, they take you" and simultaneously two guys grab our packs and throw them into a pickup. We scramble after them and the truck takes off down the street, chasing a bus right past the bus station (and there it is you travel agent fuckmistress) and they start honking and swerving. The bus pulls over in the middle of the street and the guys jump out and toss our backpacks inside. Again, we follow.

So now we've paid 5X more than we should for the pleasure of riding a rickety old piece of shit worse than public transit bus. We are the only ones on it because it is still in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. So we promptly do the only thing left to do, which is fall asleep.

I wake up a couple of hours later, the sun is shining, and I love the smell of diesel in the morning. And wait for it - our supafine bus is chock full of Thai schoolkids. Gorgeous black haired children top to bottom. They put us on a freaking schoolbus, going to hell knows where but with many frequent stops. Somehow we slept through all of it, and woke up to a bus packed (3 stacked up next to me alone) of kids. While I appreciated the fine educational transportation system.....Fuck you, travel woman, fuck you, 2 guys in a pickup.

And then out of nowhere (and in the middle of it) they kicked us off the bus. School's out, kids.

But since I seem to compulsively do things in threes (well, ok not always dammit) I'll be serving part three up soon with a side of Pad See Ew.