timing is everything

Wow. You should know I read and re-read all of your comments and felt so much better. If for nothing else, to know I am not alone and there is a place I can go and say these things and have them received in this way.

Invaluable. Thank you.

And then, the ever so lovely De said: I'm not responsible for another person's emotions, even when I am responsible for everything else about that person, including helping her understand and appropriately demonstrate her emotions.

And fireworks went off. This is exactly my problem. I FEEL responsible. And what a concept, De, to back down off that box and take a breather. I can't make everyone happy. All I can do is keep showing up. And lean on others when I need to.

I've had a whirlwind couple of days. Something I want so very much is brewing, but I think it'll take another week or so to sort itself out and it will either be the most amazing thing I've ever experienced in my life, or life will go on as usual.

And in a week, I'll be sitting in an El Salvadorian cafe drinking an ice cold beer and most likely missing M. The blessing and the curse of having your heart walk around outside of your body. It hurts when it's not there. No matter how many irregular heartbeats it causes.

Ironic, that.