tarnished magnificence

J surprised me with tickets to a show last night; a concert entirely composed of two Beatles albums, Let It Be and Abbey Road. It was an intimate gathering, only a hundred or so people at best. It was a terrific night; great vibe, the energy was perfect, and J and I having a wonderful time.

There was a point during the show where the entire audience was singing together, voices grooving with the band on several songs in a row, J and I joining in. Singing words of wisdom, let it be.

I can't help thinking that if we all came together, to sit in community and sing, what a brighter world it would be. How in those few moments all one hundred of us (ride with me on the projection train here) came together in shared understanding of great music, of personal memories, and in that spirit created our own collective moment in time.

And I thought about how each of us is magnificent; and tarnished, and how beautiful that makes us. I wish we were more freely able to acknowledge our own magnificence every single day, and allow others and ourselves to rub our dull spots shiny again.

Today we shared several hours with good friends we hardly ever see. Sitting in San Francisco in outdoor cafes drinking bloody marys on a Sunday discussing books, film, politics, and the world.

How was it that I was given a toddler get out of jail free card this weekend, you ask?

Because it's my birthday tomorrow, and with a combination of efforts I was given an entire weekend of lovely gifts; time alone with J, seeing a rare show, a lazy afternoon with friends, even a movie. I've needed this entirely; I've suffered through some of the worst weeks of my professional career lately, so much so I haven't even been able to write about it here.

But as I sit here I feel so blessed. A bit more ancient perhaps, although J promises I look much younger than thirty seven would suggest and I promised to believe him. My tarnished parts, some old, some new, have come along on this journey with me for better or for worse, and the sum of my experiences has carried me forward. It's not always made sense, and it's not always been easy, but it's wholly mine.

And I'd not trade any of my journey for the place I get to be in today, tarnished parts and all.