winds of change

There is a little girl in M's school (one of the aforementioned purse holders) who appears to have had a rocky road in her three years. She's been living with her auntie for the last year and a half while her mom has been away (either rehab or jail, haven't quite understood which). She only sees her mom very sporadically, every few months for a day or two (some sort of visitation). Lately when I drop M off or pick her up D runs to me and hugs me, and not only hugs me but holds on tight and I have to pry her fingers from around my neck when it's time to go.

It's interesting watching M in those moments, she watches D fling herself at me and sometimes then needs to be held as well, other times watches silently, and sometimes reacts strongly, telling D that this is HER mommy. Mostly though, she just watches.

Her auntie walked two days ago when D was clinging to my neck. She saw D in my arms and paused, then said quietly that D's mom was getting custody back in a month and that it was a very difficult time for everyone. I can only imagine what that must be like for D, her life has undoubtedly been uprooted before, and now after so long, she's facing it again.

As I untangled D's arms from my neck she looked at her auntie and said i want to go home with her. I want to go home with her NOW. She started crying and wouldn't go to her auntie and I saw tears in her eyes as well. I am not a significant person in D's life, I've done little more but hold her when she asks me to. And I don't have a relationship with her aunt.

It was awkward, and me being new at all of this said something about them coming over soon so M and D can play. Her auntie agreed, we are both aware of how close the two have become. But D was adamant. It needed to be now. It didn't seem to be about playing as much as coming from a place of sadness and uncertainty. Of wanting, maybe, to hurt her auntie because she is feeling confused and scared (see. Jen. project.) In the moment it continued to be awkward, but we left with a plan for them to come over.

Yesterday when I dropped M off D ran to me and clung. She said again that she wanted to come home with me, and put her head on my shoulder. She didn't move for several minutes, and the day care person finally came over and tried to take her, and there was an awkwardness again as if she didn't want D to impose on me. I told D in front of the day care person that I could tell she has a lot on her mind, that a lot was happening in her life right now. And that sometimes we need extra hugs and that was okay. She continued to hold on.

I feel for her; the confusion and uncertainty must be driving this, but as I am not friends with her auntie I am hesitant about what to do. I am sure it's a very difficult time for her, too. I am touched by the little person, her quiet eyes and sad embrace. I have invited them to come over, but I know it's short lived; once her mom gets her back all of this will disappear and D will be thrust into a new world full of changes. And she has no say in the matter. I might be looking for someone to save me, too.

I don't have any experience with this outside of the families I've worked with over the years, and in those cases my role has been defined. Here it is not, so I don't know what the best way to treat her and this for the next few weeks is. I am not trying to sound plaintive so much as asking for thoughts from those of you who've been through big transitions with toddlers (that aren't your own). It seems like an opportunity to do something right.