Friday, July 06, 2007

one plus two = dumbasses

A milestone of sorts on our fourth official Family Night:

Me: M baby, your first day at (pre) preschool! baby girl you are so grown up! We are going to have Family Night to celebrate!
M: Yay! Family Night! Me want ice cream!
Me: Ok, but first tell me what you love about your new classroom. Tell me everything, leave nothing out.
M: Me love going big girl potty at school like N. (a little school dude) but I want a peenus and go like this (grabbing non existent peenus) but me no have peenus like N and me can't go like this and me have to go like this (mimes squatting)
J: What did she say?
Me: She wishes she had a peenus. You know, like N.
M: Peenus! Me want peenus!! Mommy, you have peenus? Me want peenus!
Me: I guess I thought we'd have a few more years till we got to this one.
J: I'm not really sure where we go from here.
Me: M, do you want to talk about why you don't have a peenus?
M: Me want ice cream!
Me: Ice cream, dude. When in doubt, let's just go with ice cream.

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35 comments:

Bon said...

oh, M. later you'll probably think you were mad for ever wanting one o' those when what you've got is oh-so-nice, too, but it does kinda suck for peeing indeed.

when i was about M's age i apparently stood about four feet back from our toilet at home, pulled down my pants, stuck my little hips in the direction of the toilet, announced that i was now a boy, and then peed all over the floor.

so...well...i feel her pain.

and now i want me some ice cream too.

Jenn said...

Ah, she wants a penis.

Fabulous.

And then, she'll be a teen.

And that is when you'll really be worrying about the penis envy.

I mean, bars on the windows worrying.

Julie Pippert said...

LOL She and Persistence can chat about it. Persistence is dubious and still seems to think maybe one will grow. I mean, for real, she wants one of whatever anyone else has these days. LOL She hasn't got the boy-girl difference down yet, but she's working on it. I just HOPE she doesn't go all cooty on the boys like her sister did. Her best little buddies are boys.

You know? I agree. When in doubt? Get ice cream (aka distract). It'll come back. :P:

LOL

Z said...

Mm, ice cream.

Mm, p...let's not go there

meno said...

Sometimes i want a peenus too, but only to borrow.

Or if i'm hiking.

KC said...

That's a lot to learn on the first day. Just think of how much learning is ahead!

The good thing is, at this age they are totally distractible.

Lawyer Mama said...

Oh no!

I am soooo stealing that ice cream distraction trick when we get to the questions I don't want to answer!

Tabba said...

that's the jump i would take. from peenus....

straight to ice cream.

Yup.

Smart girl, that one.

thailandchani said...

Geez, and in a few years, she'll think the very idea of one of "those" is gross! :)



Peace,

~Chani

Oh, The Joys said...

Wow. And yours didn't even really mean "peanuts." Wow.

Christine said...

you left tout the best part--the ice cream flavor.

a peenus. hahahahahahha!

Beck said...

HAHAHAHA.
That is all.

Kyla said...

Hahahahaha!!! Oh man. Peenus envy. I think Freud would have something to say about this post. ;)

This was so funny, jen!

kristen said...

Mine started looking inside for hers. That was a day I saw my husband turn really really white and I laughed and laughed.

alejna said...

Yay, ice cream! An excellent policy.

painted maypole said...

The May Queen in curious about Penis' (peni? what is the plural?) but just very matter of fact about it, which is how we've always been about it. I overheard her talking with her best (boy) friend about it once, and they talked about how girls have vaginas an boys have a penis, and boys can stand up when they pee, and girls can't. And then they went back to playing (and boys mom and I stopped holding our breath)

Laurie said...

Oh my...

When my son was little he called his a peen. I still tease him about it once in awhile. As you can imagine, it doesn't go over very well.

deb said...

When my son was three and my husband and I had only been together a few months, we went on a road trip. We ended up in separate vehicles one way, because my husband was moving his car from Vancouver to Calgary.

My son and I were driving by ourselves and the topic of men and women and their differences came up. I explained to him that I did not in fact have a penis, that only boys and men had them.

We met up with my husband at a restaurant. I got up to go to the bathroom and my husband told me later that after I had gone my son said in a very loud voice, "Mummy no have penis."

Snoskred said...

I'm still getting over the fact that men can just pee anywhere, anytime. I've often thought if I had a penis, I'd do a lot more camping. I wouldn't have to worry about finding a loo anywhere. Life would be easier in general. Maybe I'm wrong. ;)

I don't want it enough to use one of these, though - for those of you unaware, check out the Pee Mate - I don't believe it is a joke.. :)

Snoskred
http://snoskred.blogspot.com/

urban-urchin said...

ice cream as a shiny object to distract young minds is a beautiful thing.

My son was walking with me the other day and said "mama!" I said "I'm your mama" and he said "NO! Mama peenoose!" He wanted his dad- forever to be known as Mama Penis.

mitzh said...

aww she's adorable!

HAHAHAHA.... (^_^)

Hel said...

Heeheehee.

Your post made me think of the following joke. When she is a bit older it might show her things are not as unfair as they might sometimes seem.

God calls Adam and Eve over and says:
"My children I have two precious gifts. Since Adam was here first he gets to choose first.The first gift is being able to pee standing up."

Adam does not even wait for the second choice but yells. I want that one. Please, please."

Gods says: "But what about the second one? Don't you.."

Adam. "No, I want to pee standing up. Nothing can be better than that."

So God gracefully gives Adam what he wants, turns to the sulky Eve and says:
"My dear that leaves you with multiple orgasms."

carrie said...

If I had a nickel for each time Katie has tried to pee like her brothers . . .

Explaining it doesn't seem to help in my house, so maybe I'll just offer ice cream next time!

Carrie

crazymumma said...

Ice Cream all the way. Distraction distraction distraction......

J Fife said...

Someday, I'll have to tell you the story about how Sarah explained to a taxi driver all about how mama has hair on her butt (butt = anything below the waist. yeah, we're behind on the anatomy lessons.). Oh boy, what that taxi driver and I would have done for some ice cream...

Kelly said...

Sounds smart to me. I usually don't pine to actually have the male member except in situations where unzipping, going, shaking and rezipping would really come in handy, i.e. the great outdoors and in large stadium events.

And ice cream...always the great distractor!

flutter said...

*snort*

Also, 'ello.

karrie said...

Does it help to know that if she had a penith, she would drive you crazy talking about it? My son even insists that I have one too. Even worse, every freckle, pimple, spot or dot on any person we see is a nipple--a fact he has to share--LOUDLY.

Susanne said...

Glorious post. And moment. And one totally becomes used to discuss things like, "No, women don't have penises." in a calm voice in the middle of the grocery store. Trust me. (And besides I can stare everybody down. Well, apart from my son.)

But I have to say that I really liked Hel's joke. I might have to memorize that one.

mamatulip said...

A little while ago, Julia asked me if her boobies would look like mine do when she was ten.

"I hope not, baby. I hope not."

QT said...

I read this on Sat during a brief intermission in activities and I had to come back just to say how HI-larious the peanus envy can be!

The Expatriate Chef said...

Well, one day, she will be saying the opposite, "Oh, I am so glad I don't think with my dick. I don't have one!"

Heh. We just started pre-school too. Let the fun begin.

Carrie said...

M does have a point in peeing with a peenus. However, it's just another kid's desire to blend with the group. It wouldn't be long when she will realize that she don't need it.

The Expatriate Chef said...

No sooner than I read this, I went to pick up the girlie. Lo and behold she was viewing a book on potty training with a drawing of a boy, pants down, back to us, standing at the toilet. She points to this, looks at me, and says, "Wha-What Happened?"

Oh my.

Danni said...

I'm sure she'll find the answer when she's big enough. Sometimes kids have strange and funny ideas brought about by their curiosity.