Friday, August 24, 2007

arms crossed wide open

I am back to searching. Dusty hot places. The sabbatical. It might not work. It has to work. The universe is shaking her head. There is still time. We need to go.

I am back to searching. International relief work. I can't stop looking. It's my porn. These postings are my porn and I am the lonely paunchy guy who can't get a date.

When I was in Chicago my palm was read. Secret things were said on the street with graffiti on the wall in front of me. Three women close by. I miss them. They heard these things too so I know I didn't dream them. She said my soul needed to leave this country. That it was time. I agreed with her. My hands told her these things. But we are still here. It feels like time.

The universe is shaking her head. I am stamping my feet. Negotiations run amuck.

39 comments:

thordora said...

You'll get there. Sometimes life needs to stamp her feet.

Gwen said...

Keep at it, Jen. Surely the universe couldn't be so fickle? Oh wait, the universe. Right. Better just keep at it yourself.

Julie Pippert said...

Ah hon I hear your frustration. Hang in there. You'll get it. Somewhere, the right place and time is coming up for you. (HUGS)

Julie
Ravin' Picture Maven

Oh, The Joys said...

Keep stamping. You are going to win.

flutter said...

*enter hippie flutter*

The thing is this, the universe has a vast knowledge, that we don't. There is something left here, that you are meant to accomplish before you go to your heart's desire.

Trust, baby. And breathe.

kgirl said...

Those feet are going to take you somewhere awesome. I like to look for 'family volunteering abroad,' because sometimes I forget that I'm pregnant and probably won't be going anywhere for a while.

Her Grace said...

I'm a believer that we MAKE things happen, but also that sometimes things happen for a reason. Trust that your life is going to lay out before you exactly as it should. Make your plans, enjoy the ride.

I'm sorry you're frustrated.

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thailandchani said...

It's hard, I know... but the only thing we can do is trust that it will come at the right intersection. Being so far from home is killing me, too, bit by bit and piece by piece. Without that faith that it will work as it should, there's nothing.


Peace,

~Chani

carrie said...

Breathe. She will be there and will need you when you are ready to go - whenever that may be.

jennifer said...

I know that feeling well...

KC said...

But, this is your destiny. It will find you. As will my Olympian steed. xo

painted maypole said...

stamp your feet all you want. Just don't stop negotiating. Sometimes it can be so much better when you have to fight a bit harder for it. Doors closing do not mean you aren't supposed to go. Go.

Blog Antagonist said...

It really sucks when life doesn't cooperate with our dreams. But don't give up. Wayne Gretzky once said "You miss 100% of the shots you never take" and I think that's amazingly insightful for someone who's taken as many hits to the head as he has.

Jennifer said...

I know the frustration. I cannot even tell you how many "International Relief Work" websites I have bookmarked. And my brother leaves next week to teach in Guatemala...I'm aching to go, as well. *stomp, stomp*. It feels as if it will never happen.

But, that's just me.

When I read these posts of yours, I see it all happening for you. I can see it so clearly that I know it will happen.

Keep stomping.

mamatulip said...

You sound so torn in this post, Jen. Chin up girl...you'll get there. You'll find your way.

Sober Briquette said...

Keep trying. You'll find a way.

Amy York said...

You will get there one day... When it's meant to be, it'll happen. Hang in there...

Beck said...

You need to do work in my town! It's international (sort of)!

kristen said...

It is going to work, it has to. Keep stamping your feet because I know the universe will hear, she already has, she just needs more time. I think the reason it feels so urgent is because it's around the corner, I really do.

Hel said...

I'm going to give the universe a stern talking to.

Aliki2006 said...

I hope it works--you can shift the universe, and make it happen, somehow, sometime.

Kyla said...

Oh jen. It will happen. I believe it. It will be amazing.

Deezee said...

I'm a believer in the leap. Pick a welcoming beginning and just trust that you can navigate from there because, you know, you can...

Wayfarer Scientista said...

but you know what? You're gonna get that date girlfriend, just give it a little time. It will come - you know, there's the cycle fo searching...of looking and being excited, of applying yourself & hearing nothing back & getting frustrated, and then the first offer comes in, & then more. It'll happen, it will.

Lawyer Mama said...

It will happen. I know you'll make it happen. Just try to be patient with the universe. Easier said than done, I know.

bgirl said...

oooh i love that you had your palm read and it was so true to your soul....

.... which means it will be.

ms chica said...

This I understand. The universe and I have been taking turns giving each other the finger since I returned from Chicago too. Sigh...

I believe in you, Jen. I also believe you'll find a way to be where your needed most.

liv said...

The universe will give you its blessing when it is really, truly time. Continue to stay open, and believe!

crazymumma said...

The universe.

I have said elsewhere just recently that she is a tough bitch.

she's gonna make you work and sweat for it.

I'll do a little stamping and praying over my way to send you off into the dust and the heat.

Jenn said...

Our hands don't lie.

And in the meantime, our feet must stomp and our heart must flutter and our heart must believe.

I know it's out there for you, I literally can feel it for you, and I just have this inkling that when it materializes, you'll know that it is as it should be.

mitzh said...

Patience, trust and faith. Soon you'll get there.

NotSoSage said...

jen, can i commiserate here for a moment? i feel this way so often. i am so impatient, and i worry so much that i am missing or not appreciate life now to the fullest because i am so anxious for life then.

i don't know why i'm telling you this, i don't think that's true for you. but i wanted to say, i know. what i also know is that if you want it, it will happen. i have to believe that, or i'll go crazy.

i think if we all collectively stamp our feet together, maybe we could shake things up a bit.

xo

Christine said...

it will happen. really. believe it.

Persephone said...

You and me both, babe. When are we going? Let's do it.

Ally said...

You will do this. The time will be right. Hang in there, and keep planning.

Ruth Dynamite said...

She's just testing you. Don't waver.

Susanne said...

Some door will open.