Wednesday, October 31, 2007

three

Speaking of not finding my bliss: Three is a pain in the ass. The temper tantrums. The whining. The incessant tantrums and whining. The 0-60 hysterics.

Truth be told, I might lose my shit.

I try reasoning but it's impossible. I try rationalizing only to have it stamped on and tossed out. I try discipline, the wussy-ass Time Out sort of discipline but she's got my number there too. And when she acts out in public, the throwing herself on the ground and kicking and screaming....let's just say I try and find My Happy Place but it's left the building. I actually find myself fantasizing about public buses in third world countries. You know, buses travelling far from here. Camels and sitars. Coke in a bottle. Ruins. See, I am doing it again now.

Everyone says it'll pass. I even believe you. But that doesn't make the moment any less annoying. And I try and find the humor, and often I do find the humor, but at the end of it all it's simply a hard job. It's a terrific job and I love my kid and I embrace the motherhood and all that blah de blah, but you know, it's still hard sometimes. I want to be a good mother. J says I over-indulge her (a pox on you, man) at times and she needs to figure some of this out for herself, that it's not helping her and it's exhausting me. I see his point, and yet I can't ignore it when she's having her third meltdown wailing for me at the top of her lungs. Or the fourth. And so on.

This sounds like I am whining but mostly I'm just saying what's what.

Happy Halloween, yo. I am banking on a certain Garden Fairy rocking the house in between tantrums and shrieking.

44 comments:

Family Adventure said...

"....let's just say I try and find My Happy Place but it's left the building."

I don't mean to be laughing at your pain, but it is your own fault for being so dang funny!

It will pass. Truly. But then she'll turn 10 and develop killer attitude.

Yep, the fun just keeps on coming!

Heidi :)

Z said...

It's so hard not to get into the way of rewarding bad behaviour with your attention, rather than good, isn't it. Does J manage her better? If so, you could try watching and learning. If he leaves discipline to you, a little more father-daughter time is indicated.

kiki said...

dude, three sucked in my house. it sucked all the way to four. i wish i could say the tantrums stopped, but they've just become more sophisticated as her language has expanded.
i so was the mom that made/makes everyone cringe but i don't care. many a time i've carried my kid out of places when she's started acting up, embarrassing myself and also showing my girl that it is unacceptable to act like that, ever, but especially in public. it worked actually, now she saves that special behavior for me at home. sigh.

Christine said...

age 3 sucks rocks.

my daughter was down right evil at that age. and now her brother is holy terror.

i feel your pain.

cce said...

Yup, three was a misery here too! And while I wish I could say it got better. In truth, it just got 'different'. Each age has its challenges and that is why man created Prozac. For us not them.

Have yourself a anti-depressant cocktail. Afterall, it's Halloween and you deserve it!

slouching mom said...

Oh, yes. I found three to be the way others describe two. Two was cake.

Three, it's pure id.

Gwen said...

Three, oh yes, the pain of three. Followed in some cases by the pain of four. By four, though, you've gotten more adept at it all, so that's the good news.

Do you know what my daughters are hoping against all hope to fill their candy buckets with? Tootsie Rolls. How did I give birth to spawn who think Tootsie Rolls are a delicacy? (see, I was going with the changing the subject to Halloween there).

Oh, The Joys said...

Lately I've started saying,

"Mayor! The weirdest thing is happening to me!! When you use your whining/crying voice my ears close up and I can't hear ANYTHING!!!"

and then I ignore him until he gets it together.

b*babbler said...

I've heard from several now that three is the new two... or two version 2.0... two deluxe?

Okay, I'll stop rambling. Seriously though, I'm so not looking forward to the tantrums at that age. I've got a couple years to go, so perhaps I can foster a healthy addiction to red wine in preparation?

biodtl said...

Been ther. Still there, in fact. Although, she turned four on Monday and I have to say that in the past month or two, it's been slightly better. Or I'm slightly more used to it, I guess.

At home we mostly ignore her - carry her into her room and walk away and refuse to giver her attention. It slows her down a little. Sometimes. But the one time that I was able to stop the tantrum in its tracks was in the toy store when she fell to the floor, wailing and I did the same. It freaked her out so much she stopped and got up. Made an ass of myself, but I figured it was mostly parents in there and they had been there, too.

Motherhood Uncensored said...

Yep. Just wrote about this one.

or three.

It's terrible. No rationalization. I feel like I'm dealing with a very small 13 year old.

UGH.

Arwen said...

The in public meltdown' is the worse. Fortunately every parent has gone through it.

Jennifer said...

Three is so not my favorite.

Pgoodness said...

feeling your pain, friend. 4 will be here before you know it and the transformation is astounding. For what it's worth, my 2 year old is acting like a 3 year old - does that mean I skip the terrible 3s or get them twice?!

Mad Hatter said...

As always, you know how to call it as you see it. This motherhood gig really sucks at times. Thank god they're cute or...

Janet said...

I've had a post brewing in my head called, "My Terrible Twos." I find the age of 2/3 the most challenging to parent. Elyse is just entering the tantrum, digging in heels, screaming-at-the-top-of-her-lungs-in-public stage and it is wearing me last nerve down to a bloody little nub. I am my worst parent right now.

Mrs. Chicky said...

I'm still working on a machine that will let me skip three but it's not going anywhere. I'll let you know if I get it up and running.

Her Grace said...

Three is SO much harder than two. Hang in there. I promise that in about a year or so she'll be good company again.

Also, it's ok to cry. And drink when necessary.

painted maypole said...

dude, if you can't whine to us every now and then, who can you whine to? we've been there. it sucks.

PunditMom said...

It will pass, but hang on to your drawers -- it'll take a while and test your patience like nothing else -- not even Bill O'Reilly!

Tabba said...

you know I've worked with wee ones in a preschool setting for more years than I care to relay.
and i always looked at someone sorta crazy when they talked about how awful age 2 is.
because i've seen the ugly face of 3 and she ain't purdy.
3 is WAY worse than 2.
WAY worse.

i will offer no suggestions, i know you're not asking for advice.
i hear you, you amazing, frazzled momma.
i hear you and i empathize.
hang tough, sister.

Persephone said...

Holy Moses, I'm having flight fantasies as well. And not because I have a kid.

Let's pack up our shit and go to Zanzibar.

Karen said...

when my oldest son was three I actually left and went to a third world country, for 2 weeks. I did not miss him - I hardly have ever told anyone that part! But, I didn't. I was overjoyed to see him when I got home, but while I was gone, I didn't miss the threeness of three.

Beck said...

Eh, three's not so bad. It's actually one of my favorite ages, really. But I am AMAZING at ignoring tantrums.

flutter said...

Oh man, wanna come to AZ for a year and hang out?

Kyla said...

Happy Halloween. Perhaps she can pretend to be two again for the evening? ;)

meno said...

This post made me realize that my daughter finally stopped whining about 6 months ago.

Sorry.

PeterAtLarge said...

Ouch! The heart goes out. All very well for a person to sympathize, though. It doesn't help much. I'll just send metta. Cheers, PaL

mitzh said...

I think five is actually worse...
But yes, the public tantrum, HA!

Oh well, HAPPY HALLOWEEN, Jen! Hope you and M had fun!

KC said...

Oh man. Reading this and the comments confirming this are making me sweat the three's. Wine, my friend. Wine and maybe some earplugs.

dawn224 said...

Guh. Hang in there. Hang in there.

Anjali said...

I never could understand why it's called the terrible twos, when it's really the horrible, terrible, no-good 3s.

liv said...

Girl. I SO feel you. Peep is getting to the OMG! I should totally fall down wailing about something phase of being 2. Already dreading three. And already dreading 16.

Scribbit said...

Oh yea, it'll pass but whether you'll still have your sanity at the end is another story. And just wait till the early teens. It's just priceless :)

Amy York said...

Enjoying the mental picture of the Garden Fair rocking the house...

3 is tough. 4 is tough. 2 was tough. It's all f*$king tough. But at the end of the day, it's hard to imagine life any other way... And all the hard times that you survive, somehow in the end, bring you closer together. She will likely never show this side of herself to anyone but you and J. And that's because she feels comfortable and unjudged by you. In the long run, that's a good thing, even though right now it sucks donkey balls.

Hang in there, mama.
I have spent many a night looking back on my day with disgust and frustration... second guessing and scared I screwed up my kids beyond all hope.

But each day, I get another chance to make it better... and luckily, so do they.

Momish said...

Please sister, I can barely handle two. Stop, you're scaring me. If you find it hard, I will most certainly find it impossible.

And yet, they manage to somehow give us the strength we need to get by, with their uniqe perfection in between those dire moments! Hang in there!

mamatulip said...

M sounds so, so very much like Oliver...

Julie Pippert said...

My friend, I feel your pain. My Happy Place...well, according to Red Ribbon Fracking Week it's drugs = bad. WTFE.

On the upside you aren't doing 3 and 6 at the same time like some poor slops (me).

It does suck.

But you are getting through.

Hang in there!

Julie
Using My Words

bgirl said...

terrible twos....total myth....

three however...ughhhh!

The Expatriate Chef said...

No, no, there is something to the two's! Got to be. I just posted on my theory that the terrible twos are nature's way of ending overpopulation.

You know when your kiddo drops to the floor IN PUBLIC and goes all limp and you CANNOT pick them up for the life of you? WHERE DO THE LEARN THAT?!

I am just going to lie to myself and believe that my nearly 3-year-old is just mature beyond her years. Yessir, three will be a cake walk! Sigh.

Susanne said...

You know, Germans don't believe in the terrible twos, they say it starts at three. Well, I know that with my son it started at 18 months and is still going strong. But it goes up and down.

Sometimes I can't stand the thought of people who tell you you're children are like your very own zen masters. They might be right, but I'd like to have a break now and then.

kgirl said...

oh sister, i hear you. and i have heard more crying in the last 3 months than in the previous 26 months combined. and that's just from me.

Mommahbear. said...

Oh, Jen. I've missed you. Your web page and my crappy computer equalled a frozen state of PC Hell. I now own a laptop and so, here I am again.

You need to find your happy place. You do. Because this phase will end, just as everyone says it will, and it'll make way for the next one. The phase ends, the phases don't. For a time, I got into a bad habit of shouting to be heard, to startle, to maintain control.. it was too easy, not healthy.. so, find a happy place to go to, because you are training yourself now for every phase that comes afterward. ;) Peace be with you. ;)

crazymumma said...

xo babe.

Hardest job in the world. And sometimes we all lose it.