Tuesday, November 20, 2007

dude

you know, it's cool. i totally respect that you only get to see your grandchild a few times a year, so when you get off the plane with a load of plasticky crap and fashion model dolls i can deal. i've already hidden those fashion model dolls for ages 13 and up, but you know, that was easy and you didn't even notice. and it's fine that you take M to the farmer's market under the guise of buying veggies and load her up with cookies and cake. i get it. she begs and you cave. perfectly understandable, she's a manipulative little bugger. and it's fine that you took her out shopping and bought her a gigantic stuffed horse that will never again be touched and will take up about 1/4 of our small home. i get that too. you love her and you can't help yourself. and i even understand that you don't listen when we talk to you, that you are too vain to get a hearing aid and are most certainly almost deaf. i can't leave you alone with her for too long because of it but hey, get a hearing aid and let's rock. no problem. until then we'll just yell all weekend. i mean it, i can live with that.

but then as we were getting ready to take you to the airport after a long weekend, that moment when you leaned close and said i have a confession to make and you tell me that somehow on your walk today you lost her favorite possession in the entire world, her baby blanket that's been here since the beginning, the one she can't sleep without and has never parted her sweet little grip from for more than a few hours, the one that goes everywhere with us all the time, and that it's lost and you have no idea where it went?

well, buddy, you crossed a line there. some things are wrong. just plain wrong. so you just go and get on your little airplane and fly back to your little office and your little fancy car where no one will be crying their eyes out for hours plaintively crying blankie, my blankie. don't worry about me sitting here awake all night consoling a broken hearted child over her great loss. in fact, don't give it a second thought, gramps. we're cool. really. we are cool.

and to his annoyingly existentially minded son who casually said that this is a good lesson, that nothing is permanent and the sooner she learns that the better? you can take your Kierkegaard and shove it up your Nietzsche, buddy. Who's crying now?

i've got a new review up on a way to get yourself organized. i can't claim that it worked too well for me but i vouch for that being 7 parts user error, 2 parts small family and 1 part control freak.

48 comments:

Emily R said...

NO! And he waited to tell you? He should have told you right when he returned so you could search. That is HORRIBLE!! Completely awful.

We have several of each child's blankie, but still when Grandpa lost one on a walk he spent an hour retracing his steps looking for it.

hele said...

You tell them!

May their blankets be either too hot - making their toes sweat uncomfortably or too cold making their toes ache painfully until either her blanket is restored or her heart has made peace with a blanket replacement.

And may the spirit of the softest, fluffiest blanket enfold the hearts of M and you making it easier to adjust.

thordora said...

OMFG! That would be like if we lost teddy bankie! (a teddy and a sleeping bag of all things)

If I made her a blankie, might it help? Email me if it might. I have a pink/purple one that if half way done...

Mary Alice said...

Oh dear No No No. Not the lost lost blanket. I am so sorry, both for her and for you. I had this totally crazy thought...call the local news station and see if they want to do a human interest story about security blankets, they could interview you and maybe a child psychologist and talk about it.. and maybe someone will find the blanket and return it and the news can do a follow up happy ending?

Suz said...

One of my earliest, earliest memories is of loosing my stuffed dog and getting it back. Later, I learned that my parents waded through two industrial trashcans to find it. The fact that the loss was CONCEALED until it was impossible to look drives me nuts. Man. This gets me mad.

thailandchani said...

Oh, heavens! I don't think I've ever heard you quite so ... spirited. :)

Still, the Kierkegaard up the Nietzsche found a spew of coffee all over the monitor.

painted maypole said...

i agree that he should have told you right away so you could have created a mass effort to retrace the whole route they took to find it!!!!!

ack!!!

sigh. hope it wasn't TOO bad, but I bet it was.

Lawyer Mama said...

Oh. my. GOD!

Oh poor, poor M! I can't even imagine what would happen if blankie were lost here. Can't. imagine.

And I can't believe he didn't tell you RIGHT AWAY! So you could go look!

meno said...

That really sucks. I suugest that perhaps J might need to stay up at night and deliver this obviously much needed lesson on impermanence.

flutter said...

please let me kick his ass.

KC said...

OUCH. Perhaps he didn't hear it falling to the ground...

Poor M...poor you.

Deezee said...

Big ouch. (and man do you tolerate a lot of other annoyances!) You so took me back to my son's time with the blanket. (At 14, he still allows it a place of honor at the foot of his bed for adornment.)

QT said...

Ok - Laughing at KC

But SERIOUSLY, I can't believe he waited that long either - that makes it seems purposeful and somehow EVIL~~

Poor M! Poor you!

alejna said...

No! Not blankie! Arg. How aggravating.

Sorry as I am to read about M's blankie loss, I have to admit I was very entertained by this post. The first paragraph made me smile appreciatively. But then the bit about Kierkegaard and Nietzsche made me laugh out loud. Or perhaps snort. John looked concerned.

acumamakiki said...

If he'd said something, you could have tried to retrace your steps or something. Poor M and poor you. Your Kierkegaard would get along just fine with the East coast version, except I get those types of comments as he's on his way to work. Don't let the door hit you in the ass, feh.

Can any of us help you find back-up blankie? I'm also quite handy with zee needles and could whip something up...

Beck said...

Ack. And he told you while he was LEAVING? What a jerk.

blooming desertpea said...

I hear you, girl! Let him go back to where he came from - Arghhhhh!

Janet said...

Not. The. Blankie.

Moment of silence. Seriously.

mitzh said...

awww, I feel for M more than anything. Hope she'll feel better soon...

jen said...

You are all so terrific. I agree, this was an incredible blow to young M's mind. She cried all the way to school b/c she didn't have her blankie for nap time.

(A pox on you, man.)

And I so appreciate the back up blankie options. She has back up blankies at home too....none will do the trick. A moment of silence, indeed!

And in all seriousness, you guys are awesome. And I hope you know he is a fine grandpa, but you know, still.

Mad Hatter said...

Oh my god!!! I feel sick, Jen. The thought of Miss M losing her Ellas and what that would mean. Holy shit! Poor M. Poor, sweet M.

Amy Y said...

Oh No, Jen!
We'd be devastated if this happened in my family also!! :(

Hope M is Ok...

liv said...

Dude. That is rotten. Please let us know if you find it. I just wish we internetz could help. This is why I guard bunnyday and bunnybabe with my life!

Persephone said...

I still haven't recovered from the time my brother threw my favorite stuffed animal out the car window. Damn him, dammit!

Kyla said...

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo! If KayTar lost Gee, we couldn't deal. We have two, even, but losing one would still be too much. Once I dropped it at a festival and I went into panic mode, like what you feel when you think your kid has gone missing for a split second? THAT panic. I found Gee, but man was it scary.

Maybe if you post a description of said-blanket, someone might have one that they could send?

Julie Pippert said...

He didn't even try to find it? Didn't search? Didn't tell you right away?

Oh.

Wow.

I'm so sorry.

That will be a piece of karma to work out for him.

Julie
Using My Words

Momish said...

Poor M! I remember the utter torture it was to let go of my blanket when my mom cleaned it. I sat in front of the dryer crying hysterically, watching it go around and around.

I feel her pain, really I do! I don't know how you didn't go ape shit on both of them!

Blog Antagonist said...

Oh no...not the blankie. The blankie is sacred. EVERYBODY knows that!!

I'm so sorry for little M. Can you find a replacement?

When Diminutive One was little, his lovey was a little Taco Bell dog that said "Yo Quero Taco Bell". He loved that thing with the red hot passion of a thousand suns.

Of course, it got lost.

But miracle of miracles, I found one on ebay. I found three actually and bought them all to have in reserve.

If her blankie wasn't handmade, maybe you could find a replacement on ebay?

Mrs. Chicky said...

Oh no he DIDN'T.

My kid would pass out and die if she lost her blanket. She nearly lost her shit when she watched a program in which Elmo lost his blanket. I really hope you all get through this with relatively few scars.

deb said...

I'm glad the only one who needs to vent. I'd be pissed as hell.

mamatulip said...

Oh MAN.

That is just...horrible.

I hope tonight isn't too rough. :(

Tabba said...

oh, so sorry. i can't imagine.

i loved this fiesty side of you. hate to say it, for it is at M's heartache.

ugh.
grandparents.
they're way overrated ;)

we_be_toys said...

Frustration! Thou art Man!
Any luck you don't have to see him for another year?

crazymumma said...

shit.

not the blankie.

oh. Jen. Lesson or not annoying existential dude.

Its the fucking blankie. The end the beginning and the middle.

kisses Little M.

Ally said...

Oh man, I knew it was going to be horrible when it started with DUDE. This is crazy! Poor little sweetie without her blanket. That is SO not okay.

Pgoodness said...

crap! my biggest fear is one of the boys losing their loveys; and to not know right away? UGH! I feel so bad for you guys!

Poor M! But I'm with the others - this was a good, spunky post. :-)

patches said...

Shit, thick skulls impair hearing, big egos impair listening...Sorry friend.

Jozet at Halushki said...

oh no....

oh no no no no no....

easier to lose a toe.

oh...that poor baby. oh no.

I am so sorry.

Damn...I guess you already searched? Could you put up signs? Ugh...I'd be that desperate.

Marymurtz said...

We recently suffered the loss of the blankie at our house, and it is just unbearable. There's no toy, no candy, no stuffed horse in the world that can replace it. Poor little M!!!

b*babbler said...

Holy shit sweetie. That sucks. Plain old, effing sucks, all of it.

Why wait to tell you? The search! You could have had the search! Poor little M.

How is she adjusting?

The Expatriate Chef said...

Uh oh. He should have told you, should have paid attention. Grrr.

I had two blankies, and for a while the Kiddo was none the wiser. I could throw one in the wash as needed. And then, she found out there were two. And then BOTH got left at school, and I produced a surrogate one, soft and new. And, now there are three. Always three.

urban-urchin said...

oh no! Why did he wait until you were in the car on the way to the airport to tell you instead of after the walk????

Poor M.

Ruth Dynamite said...

My family still talks about the times my sister lost her "dogie."

So sorry for little M and you. Hope you find a suitable replacement!

Bon said...

oh man. late to this, but traumatized nonetheless. is there no hope of getting blankie back?

(nah. don't tell me. let me just believe.)

Magpie said...

Only because I know that there is a happy ending, I am laughing, because you - you are funny. You tell 'em.

The Holmes said...

Oh jeez, that first part sounds a lot like my mother. Sorry for your little one's loss.

Mrs. Chicken said...

No jury would convict you. That's all I'm sayin'.

bgirl said...

oh man....

is she sleeping yet? are you?
damn grandparents!