war and teeth

M's been sick for a couple of days. After establishing who is more important at their work we decide J will stay home one day, me the next. My day was yesterday and M to her credit is feeling much better. She had the flu shot this season and it seems like every time she gets sick it rapid cycles in 24-36 hours and goes away. I don't know if the two are related but what the hell.

So I am home, a bit grumbly because she's not that sick and yet not all the way well and in that middle of the road whinefest. We watch too much TV and I sink into further self loathing, terrible mothering shit and the like. And besides this we found a princess dress the other day and now she wears it constantly and it's a struggle to get her to wear anything else. We've gone most places in the last week with her as a princess and even though I am the farthest thing from it it's kind of cute. But you know, there's a limit. Like sleeping and bathing. Or bathing at least.

So anyways, it happens I have a dentist appointment and these people at the dentist office, man do they hate me. They hate me because I hate going to the dentist, because I routinely reschedule, because I regress into infantile behavior and because I am a bad flosser. So I called today to see if I could wrangle out of it but the receptionist always takes a disapproving tone with me and I thought fine, you asked for it dental lady. So me and the semi-sick princess go to the dentist.

So there's no place for M to sit except on my lap. I'm tilted way back ass over teakettle with a princess sitting square on my bladder. It's dangerous because she never sits still and there's this chick with a metal pointy thing in my mouth. But since they hate me already I decide to let it ride and hope for the best. We finish intact (they may hate me but are good at what they do) and then the dental receptionist ice queen lady gets all gooey, goofing over M. But I have a reputation with these people so I don't cave in, it's all business. There will be no winning me over now, I rather like our years of almost hostility and parentification.

So feeling weary we head home, M cries the whole way because she's had a change of heart suddenly, she now wishes she had a snow white dress instead of her princess one even though she chose the damn dress herself without any interference from me. I want to put my head down on the steering wheel and cry, but then I notice my little dentist bag with 2 new flosses sitting beside me and for some reason that gives me strength, the not flossing in the face of new floss is at least something I can control.

It's all trivial and even amusing but somehow it's exhausted me, so much so that there's not even a proper end to my ridiculous little story.