Monday, February 18, 2008

finding her there

I wake to a foot in the ribs, I turn over and realize she's crawled in sometime hours ago. I watch her sleeping, her chest rises and falls. She's exquisite, her perfect red lips pursed against her milky skin. Her wildly curled hair wrapped around her neck. I watch her, I notice a freckle, one I've not noticed before if that sort of thing is possible. I run my hand over the curve of her back.

Her foot kicks me unaware, she stretches in her sleep and wiggles her head back and forth, the movements she's made since she was a tiny baby, she makes them now. She's about to open her eyes and I want to close mine so I can still observe her unnoticed yet of course, I can't have it both ways. She's magnificent in the early dawn, but then she's magnificent all the time.

She wakes facing me. Her eyes light up, the brightest smile. Hi Mommy. And I smile broadly in return with tears pooling in my eyes. I am humbled that there are these moments of overwhelming grace and joy, that this little riblet is in my life teaching me how to love and risk and wrestle and try. I try and find new words and they don't come and yet I revel in this feeling, this amazement at her life.

A new day awaits us, a lazy one and I remind myself to live it with intention, to make each moment with her conscious and worthy of the magnitude it is.

39 comments:

TZT said...

I know these moments, and again, you have captured them so beautifully you brought tears to my eyes.

Defiantmuse said...

those are the moments to savor.
the moments when everything else falls away and you're able to remind yourself and feel, in your core, it's all worth it.

Omaha Mama said...

Overwhelming grace and joy.
Yes.

Just beautiful. I hope you enjoy the day.

liv said...

brought to you by the letter M.
she really is about the most gorgeous child i've ever seen!

Amy Y said...

So sweet, Mama!

Annie said...

Thank you for this lesson - the humility part I particularly need to learn as I guiltily think about my moans this morning after receiving similar kicks in the ribs from my own three year old!

furiousBall said...

very sweet, i can't wait to have some more of these with my monkeys in a couple months

Kyla said...

They are so glorious, aren't they?

Julie Pippert said...

Oooh, you caught that moment and feeling so beautifully.

painted maypole said...

fantastic. you make the love and wonder of it all so palpable in this.

Beck said...

Lovely.
The Boy crawled into bed with us last night and the highlight was when he grouched "STOP BREATHING ON ME, MAMA."

mamatulip said...

Those moments are the ones that keep me fueled.

Jocelyn said...

There is no better perspective restorer.

QT said...

Its true love, mama.

Hetha said...

I savor these moments that you described so sweetly! And I agree that M is astonishing in her beauty.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Aw geez, now I'm all weepy.

Oh, The Joys said...

Resonance and beauty!

ewe are here said...

Lovely.... so lovely.

meno said...

Ah, those sweet lovely moments. So necessary to keeping us sane.

Magpie said...

Oh yeah - the joy and the kick in the ribs.

Sweet post, and very very familiar.

Bon said...

i can see the two of you in my mind's eye, both beautiful, her with the sweetness of childhood, you with the love of motherhood.

Janet said...

That was exquisite.

Mad Hatter said...

Dang, now I want to crawl into bed with you!

Sincerely, this was lovely, Jen.

Redneck Mommy said...

Such eloquence.

So lovely my friend. As are you.

slouching mom said...

this was so pretty. as is she.

Lawyer Mama said...

Perfectly said, my friend.

kristen said...

i feel lucky for these moments.

mitzh said...

There lies the beauty of being a mother and a woman.

Gwen said...

Oh, great, way to go and make me feel guilty for all the times I've been irritated to have my children in bed with me. :)

Anjali said...

Sometimes the most simplest of moments are the most magical.

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

I loved your description of her as a "little riblet".

Wayfarer Scientista said...

awww...

KC said...

Oh sweetness. M.

heather said...

I love this post. My moments like this come at bedtime...so sweet.

The Expatriate Chef said...

I always stop by at the end of a long day, as a treat. Glad I did, thanks!

Susanne said...

Grace and joy. Thanks for the reminder.

anna said...

Oh, how I MISS those moments...Glad you are reveling in them...

crazymumma said...

I love that they stretch and yawn as they did as babies. Bringing us back.

ms chica said...

The simplest moments are the easiest to appreciate. Beautiful words.