clearly i am spending too much time at the grocery store

I'm walking down the dairy aisle when she runs smack ass into me. She hits me with her cart and then looks at me and literally pushes my cart aside with hers (and no, I'm not blocking the aisle people). I'm not one for getting all balled up but you know, fuck you.

I totally understand why you might not believe this given my Duncan folklore of late, and to be honest, I've been at the grocery store way more than usual which has clearly upped my odds of crazy, but still.

So she's a little scary, this chick. Scary fierce in a bit older and perhaps may well be off the rocker sort of way. So I pause for a minute before saying um, seriously? You are okay with this? And she whips around ready to snarl. What did you say? Er, wait. No, fuck it. I'm tough and I can throw cheese blocks if that's how it needs to go. I said, I can't believe you are okay with what you just did.

I'll sleep just fine, it's your ass that needs to get out of the way. And off she goes. I stand there for a few minutes, another shopper glides by and shakes her head. I should have grabbed the cheese.

It's funny, because for all my smack talking, I'm kind of a chicken shit. So I don't say anything and she keeps going. But I spent the rest of the time coming up with multiple crafty, witty and piercing comebacks, none of which I said.

Such as: My ass or your face, bi-yotch? Or, I'll get my ass out of your way in a way you won't forget (now who's the big talker!) But sadly, I left the store feeling largely unfulfilled. And where is she when I need her? Or her? Someone who'd actually be able to kick some ass?

Me and grocery, we are officially on a break.