Sunday, December 21, 2008

onward

It's getting close now.  In less than four weeks I'll be leaving the work I've loved for more than ten years and in a week after that we'll be saying goodbye to our little rented house, the one where we learned how to be parents and grew as a family.  Two weeks after that J will head out on the road, he and two others armed with a map, our earthly belongings and hopefully enough cash to bribe his way through.  Two weeks after that M and I will follow, she'll arrive wide-eyed and excited and I'll be a bit scared and we'll get there and we'll unpack and I'll freak out once or twice and then we'll wonder what comes next.

More often than not I am struck by the inability to really comprehend what all of this means, such massive changes piling themselves up on top of each other one by one.  

We've got a ways to go before then, we've still got way more possessions than will make the journey, our schemes to downsize are in motion but occasionally we stumble, I think we'll end up donating more than selling and fitting less that we think in the car.  But beyond the practical I find myself dwelling on the emotional, the last holiday, the last time we'll see so and so, the last time I'll walk through those doors.  I am excited and fearful, the unknowns outweigh the rest and all we've got is a rickety little template of hope powered by a gerbil and some string.

So we'll keep that gerbil happy, she's spinning and spinning and spinning, we need her to keep the juice flowing into the new year and if we are nice and never naughty perhaps her legs won't give.  


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21 comments:

Amy Y said...

SO close!!!
I know you know this... but everything will be Ok.

flowerpower13169 said...

Elenore Roosevelt said something that is on post-its around my home. "Do something everyday that scares you". It made me go back to school, it inspired me to pull out of my comfort zone. When I read your post I thought of this quote. Jen you embody this quote to me, I envy you.

flutter said...

I am so incredibly proud of you

alejna said...

Never underestimate the power of a determined gerbil.

Omaha Mama said...

Wow. It's incredible, what you are doing, and so brave. I hope you'll stick with blogging so that this chicken can hop along for a pretend ride.

marymurtz said...

Love love love love love

Oh, The Joys said...

No regrets, my friend. No regrets.

Indigo Virgo said...

Oh, those gerbils are tough.

It's going to take a while to sink in, but by the time it does, you will already have the kinks worked out. You'll see.

Wayfarer Scientista said...

hey there woman - happy solstice! If I estimate correctly we may be leaving about the same time - in opposite directions. I'm moving back to Alaska! And I know I haven't called you like I promised (so sorry!) but I do hope I have a snail mail address for you because I know that by January of 2010 I'll be needing a hot humid place to escape the arctic air. And I will try to call before you leave. Thinking of you.

hele said...

You and your journey fills me with courage and hope.

May she spins and dances with delight every time you are naughty and every time you are nice and puts her arms around you every time you are worried or sad.

Mon said...

Nothing like fear and excitement in the same heart.

Perhaps that's why I change countries every 10 years or so, lol.

GL with the bribing.

mamatulip said...

I am excited and anxious and nervous and totally excited and a bit jealous...for you.

patches said...

You type four weeks like it is a long time, but time is really sneaky.

carrie said...

Oh, I know many of us feel like gerbils during this time of year, but none like you do - hang in there - it's not the end, it is really a beginning for all of you. A great, grand beginning.

Despite all the "to dos!" :)

meno said...

Just so you know, you are my hero.

Defiantmuse said...

maybe we can help take some of those possessions off your hands. but no more wonky fish!! (just kidding, actually Mmmm hasn't been upside down for over a whole week now!!)

oh, and have I mentioned lately how much of a rockstar I think you are for going through with this move? b/c. yeah. hell yeah.

Mad said...

All the strange will be offset by all the new: the million sensations of pride and joy and awe.

deezee said...

excited and fearful...

so very understandable. I suspect that once you land, excited will take over.

And I'll want pictures. :)

cce said...

Moving is hard. The lifestyle change you all are about to make is even harder but I know you know that you wouldn't be doing this without really believing the future holds happiness. Here's to your adventure. Here's to a very good '09 for you and yours.

Binky said...

I'm sure the gerbil won't begrudge you a little naughtiness ;)

I get breathless just reading about these preparations.

bgirl said...

thought of you so much on a recent 3 week trip to mexico searching (and finding "the place") to make our break from the U.S as well.

keep on with a strong smile. this is the right thing.

thank you for the continued sharing of your experience as you get closer and closer to your move. it continues to inspire us.

b