Tuesday, May 19, 2009

mother superior jumped the gun

Everything is harder here.  This is less of a complaint than a statement of fact.  Going shopping requires multiple endeavors, putting the 5 gallon water containers in the car and going to one place to get them filled and another to return the glass bottles or sometimes the same place it just depends on who has what in stock at the time.  One store might have chicken and it might not or it might only have the kind that comes with feet and we aren't quite at that stage in our journey just yet.  Chicken feet will have to give us a pass for awhile.  Bananas are everywhere but sometimes they are overripe and I can't figure out how things work seasonally yet, zucchini for example has left the freaking building without so much as a goodbye and it's been replaced with these freakishly hard squash type things that scare me a little. So today I dropped M off at school and failed at finding wheat bread so I came home and sat on my porch and looked at the plastic laundry bucket and the cloudy sky.  Odds are it will rain as soon as it's on the line.  I see a toucan.

Some days you just have to give in.  

So I get my book and turn the fan and open a cold coke and sit on my ass and read.  I read when J comes home full of dirt and dust and I read when he comes through again.  I do however, offer to make lunch for him and the guy he works with every day. I do get off my ass for that. Grilled cheese and sweeping, these are the things I've mastered lately, but today it's on white. And I sweep like nobody's business.  I could perhaps earn a MS in Sweepage if such a thing was possible.

After lunch I do something I never do.  I take a nap.  I climb under the mosquito netting and sleep hot and sweaty dreams and wake up just in time to race back to pick up M.  On my way out I see J, who leans over and gives me a kiss.  You'll be working soon, he says. It's okay to take a day off.  I can tell he's a bit worried about me, he's so used to seeing me going 100 miles an hour he isn't sure what to make of this or better said, what I happen to be making of this and to be honest I'm not sure either.  I'm not bored and I'm not afraid. I'm not stressed out and I'm not unhappy but I'm something and I don't know how to define it except for this all still takes some getting used to.  

Oh right. The title of this post?  Beatles White Album. But you knew that already.

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Kyla said...

You're learning to slow down. It is a tough adjustment...not entirely unpleasant, just a big change.

Regina Dwarkasing said...

Exactly, I agree with Kyla, it is the transition of the US-you towards the jungle-you. The problem is you cannot switch of either, you do not want it too! Just go with the flow and let it happen, in the end it will work and you master it. Have faith, you will always remain real you!

painted maypole said...

i have such a hard time slowing down, and i don't even have a full time job. not being in rehearsals in the evening is totally throwing me all off kilter. ;)

chicken with feet? dude, once you cross that hurdle we will have to rename you Jungle Jen.

meno said...

I'm curious to know if anything is easier there?

Taking your own time sounds like heaven to me.

Magpie said...

This - "Odds are it will rain as soon as it's on the line. I see a toucan." - is poetry.

Kim said...

Enjoy this time.

I remember when I went to working part-time as opposed to full-time.

For the longest time I felt strange. Different. Unfamiliar, even to myself.

Finally I realized that what I felt was guilt.

For what? I am not sure. Still don't know.

But I adjusted and I am so glad I did.

Ms. H said...

I hear ya, chica.

Part of what's appealing about a new job is being able to take a break from all the extra crap I do....and "just" teach. (Please note: I put "just" in quotes so the world would know that I am being sarcastic-ish.)

KC said...

I don't do chicken feet either. Nothing weird.

Slowing down for awhile sounds delicious but definitely an adjustment. It seems just right for you right now.

flutter said...

I think you might need a giant box of red vines from your pal flutter

Rachel Briggs said...

stumbled acorss your blog after a long time out. wow.

Wish I could see a toucan. I see a desk full of papers and a wrinkly apple I forgot to eat for lunch yesterday (or the day before - linked to the pile of papers...)

All will be well.

alejna said...

I'm glad you are letting yourself take a break. You have put in a lot of time at your work, and before you know it, you'll find that other door.

wheelsonthebus said...

that oven of yours? Use it to bake the squash. Just put it in the oven. (I rub some oil on it, so if you have some, do so. Otherwise, in a little pan of water.) And bake the shit out of it (rotating it) till it gets soft. Then you can cut it open and scoop out the insides. I've never met a squash that didn't succumb to that treatment.

krista said...

i wish it was a little harder for me to slow down.