recorded for posterity

My kid is really funny. I know all kids are really funny but this one's living here with me and I'm keeping her alive till she's grown and ready to do her thing so you know, she's special. And if I don't write it down somewhere I'll forget. Nearly five years old is a fantastic age, isn't it?

Proof positive:

M: Mama, do you still hate John McCain

Me: Well baby, I don't know that I hated him...

M: Oh, yes you did

Me: Bygones. Whatever, I don't hate him now.

M: So do you want to invite him to the jungle then?

Me: It's probably better we keep our distance honey. No offense to him.

M: Well, would you want to marry him then?

Me: What about daddy?

M: He won't mind.

Or this:

M: Grandma and grandpa love me a lot. I think they love me the most besides you and Daddy. I hope they never have their own daughter so they keep loving me best.

Me: Um, I am their daughter.

M: Oh, yeah. I forgot about you.

And here:

We were driving and discussing for the first time that Mommies and Daddies Sometimes Split Up M is watching it happen to a friend in the village. I am gripping the wheel tightly, thinking we are going to have one of Those Defining Moments when it dawns on her that this is something that can happen in the world.

Me: Well honey, sometimes mommies and daddies decide they can't live together anymore so they agree to live apart. But no matter what they love their kids and it has nothing to do with your friend.

M: So sometimes Mommies and Daddies stop living together?

Me: (heart sinking while puppies everywhere die) yes...

M: Well, if that happens I'm definitely going with you. Can I have some ice cream?

And my personal favorite:

Mama, when I grow up I want to work in a Pizza Parlour.

Me: That's great honey. Make sure to tell daddy, he'll love that.