Wednesday, July 21, 2010

all the broken shit

A month might just be an all time record of blog neglect suckiness. I'm not sure what else to say. I think about writing all the time and still the words don't flow.

I've been working on a project recently, one that's taken me back to my old haunts and given me a chance to catch up with some old friends from the streets. One guy from back in the day, he had a place but then he lost it and here he is again. He tells me that this time he's going hard core, if he has to be without a place to live he's doing it all the way and he's doing it in the streets. And he's writing a book about it too.

So he sits down and pulls out a journal and some pictures and starts to share and I listen and I look and he tells me his son passed away, a son who wasn't even grown. I reach over and grab his hand for a minute, in between all the jokes there's the pain and he looks at me and says make me god for 12 minutes and I'd fix everything. All the broken shit. Done.

Today I'm at the MD, one of those mixed use places where you can get your broken arm fixed get new glasses have a baby when I hear a guy behind where I'm sitting on his phone, he's agitated and he's talking louder, he doesn't know what he's going to do and he can't take it anymore but maybe he should shut up because people will think he's a terrorist. I can't help it, hearing that in a public place, I decide I gotta turn around and look, at the very least I need to see if he's thinking near term and so I look and and I see an average guy of an average age and I see sad. I see sad and I feel sad and I turn back around. Later when I'm leaving I see him again and this time he's lecturing his kid but in a way that sounds like there's all kinds of stuff beneath, stress and worry and fear and he's out of control. I want to reach out somehow but I come up zeros. I walk by.

Then I think of my friend again, I think of him outside and smiling, writing by streetlight and I think about what he said. Make me god for 12 minutes and I'll fix everything. All the broken shit. Done. And I wish it was that easy, we could all take turns and fix our little corner of everything and pass it on.

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20 comments:

flutter said...

I miss seeing you here

jen said...

i miss seeing me here too.

cheekyketek said...

Would we all agree what the broken shit was, though? You know?

Write when you can, love. I'll be here waiting.

meno said...

Sometimes life keeps us too busy to write about it. It's okay.

I could use one of those 10 minute time slots.

Miss you.

alejna said...

I've missed seeing you here, too.

You never fail to make me think with your posts, Jen.

王美妹 said...
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琬安琬安 said...
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Hetha said...

God knows there's no shortage of corners that need fixin. Good to hear your voice again.

Christine said...

oh man it's good to "hear" your voice, jen.

xoxo

moldingyoungminds said...

Nowwww Miss Jen, you know good and well that you are one of those people who have, are, and will continue to do everything in your power to improve things in your corner. I know it gets overwhelming...but it's times like that when you need to step back, let your fellow warriors support you for a bit, and rejoin the Good Fight when you feel able.

That's how regular folks like you & me are gonna make this happen....one itty bitty corner at a time.

-Ms. H

Kyla said...

Nothing worth doing is ever that easy...but that it were, though!

painted maypole said...

amen

吳淑惠 said...
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Lara said...

Only you can be gone for a month and show up with the one post that makes my heart thud in recognition. Damn, girl. Your words may be stuck (mine have been sinking in the muck for months now), but they are still gold.

趙喜柯凡豐妤 said...

u are so kind to post so good artical! i like it!............................................................

Z said...

It's never going to be easy though, is it? So we do our best. Yours is better than anyone I know. Please, dearest, look after yourself while you're caring for everyone else. You and your family need you.

luckyzmom said...

You're wonderful and worth the wait.

魏育如 said...
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佩劉俊宇劉璇 said...
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Maggie, Dammit said...

I just went about a month on my own blog. Like you, life just proves too shiny to look away.

Your words always lift me. I don't mind your time line.