cryptic at best

I've been so tired. Busy. Working really hard on something that finally came to fruition this week. I want to scream and yell and tell you all about it. It's good. But it had a price. Everything costs in small or large amounts. One foot here, more like half my body and three quarters of my mind but parts are crossing over. Drifting south. It's closer and yet it's not quite close enough. Two more months we think. Two. It's not entirely up to us.

But back to the other. So much talking. Cajoling even. I am not so good at cajoling yet I find myself wanting to be cajoled. No one tells you so much of this is really up to you. Two steps forward. One half step back.

I have been absent. I know it. You do too. I had some guests here holding down the fort and they did a lovely job didn't they? Shined some lightness into dusty spaces. There's more. I miss you. Bon had her baby. Her little girl. I sat here smiling about that for the longest time.

Seven years ago I was in the State capital. I was in a hotel but I can't remember which one. A friend on another floor, the man whose performance we were there to see called us early. Turn on the TV he said. We've been attacked. The person I was with thought he was joking, in the hazy still sleeping early dawn he hung up the phone and turned over and muttered just loudly enough for me to hear. I knew my friend's humor, this wasn't it. I turned on the TV. We didn't go back to sleep. My friend stood up a few hours later and spoke to 500 people about peace and tolerance. Coincidentally he was supposed to talk about peace and tolerance. They considered cancelling but he said the show would go on. The show must go on. Today more than ever we needed to hear what he had to say. Everyone was crying and we sat in the front row. My friend, this person I love he looked at me during his performance, he held my eye for the longest time but all I could see was smoke and all he could think about was the family he hadn't yet been able to reach. We didn't sleep for a long time after that. We still need to wake up.

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