the mini crime scene

So....

I came home from work yesterday to a mostly naked M, and a chagrined J-Dog, who, as I walked in the door, said "I fucked up". And pointed into the house.

As I tendered my gaze across the living room, I say, idiotically "what?" and J-Dog says "I'm really sorry".

So far, this is not looking so good - neither for what is coming next or incidentally, our highly astute conversational skills.

And then I see it. The mini-crime scene. And then I notice M has splatter marks as well. "Did something come in the house and need to be killed?" And then it finally becomes clear. Nail polish. Red nail polish all over our supposed to be whitish carpet.

Me: "um, what the hell?" (Again, our vernacular is spectacular).

Apparently J-Dog thought it to be a good idea to paint M's toes. She likes it. That I understand - we've (oh fuck it, I'VE) painted M's toes w/ the palest pink, or glitter, occasionally. But harlot red has never been in the equation. Nor is M allowed to hold the bottle.

Me: "what the hell?" (yes, I know, but I was struggling)

Apparently (sorry to use that word twice to start a sentance, but it fits and I'm leaving it) J-Dog also thought it ok to GIVE M the nail polish bottle while he "took care of something" because he had "no idea she could open the bottle".

This child practically drives our car. And cooks dinner. She's a maniac, and can figure out just about anything. Especially if that something can cause great bodily harm. This is not new information.

And it's not just a little spill. It's the whole bottle, in about 10 places all over the living room rug. Not in a place that can be covered up easily. And did I mention it is harlot red?

And then the best part: M eagerly dragging me over, and in her lispy babbling way says "Dada spill. Me clean". Good one, M. Covering one's ass is a useful skill and I am so glad you've already learned that practically before you can even speak.