comfortably numb

Lately I feel as if I've been on autopilot. The lights are on, the motor's humming, but nothing is really happening in between. It's the state of getting by that has nothing to do with getting to.

I am not sure what it all really means - but it feels awkward and delicate and sort of plastic. Like the artificial me - where things are bouncing off rather than soaking in, or fizzling instead of popping. Whatever function this defense mechanism is serving I've been riding with it - the rest feels a bit too challenging and that feels a bit like bullshit. But I am numb, my fingers and toes aren't sensing things like they should. The back of my throat feels dull. My brain is like a ping pong table.

I am dropping things. Forgetting things (and I usually have a brain like an elephant). Or wait, is that the animal that has a long memory? Or is that an ostrich? Maybe that's a long neck. See, this is exactly what I mean.

Does this sound familiar? The calm before what storm?