Friday, November 24, 2006

familiar relations

Thank you to all of your thoughts for M. She is doing so much better - and once the infection is cleared, we'll focus on understanding what asthma means for her and what we need to do to deal with it. Of course I'd prefer that nothing was ever wrong with her, but as far as things go, this is treatable and therefore, it's ok. We'll figure it out.

My brother is in town for a few days. My brother is a bachelor, a world traveller, a rather hunky sort of boy. Girls love my brother. And he's the kind of boy I'd not want my daughter going out with. He's used to his life, his way. He only manages to come see us once or twice a year, and so it's nice having him around. However, I think he's reconsidering the length of his visit. It's gone something like this:

Me: Since you are never around, seems fitting to get to know your niece. (We respond well to guilt in our family)
Him: Ok
Me: So J-Dog and I are going to the movies so you can have quality time together.
Him: Ok. But she better not poop.
Me: You better deal with it if she does. Kids poop.
Him: But she poops a lot. I mean, who shits 4 times a day?

Off to Borat, a completely outrageous and bizarre yet strangely hilarious experience

We came home at 9:30pm to find him sound asleep. Mr. All Night Partier out of commission. Asleep on the couch, toys everywhere, battle wounds visible. M's (fresh) diaper on backwards. But she's smiling in her sleep. M 1. Uncle 0.

In the morning M wakes at her usual 7am.

Him: Does she ever stop?
Me: No
Him: How the hell do you do this? I mean, she's cute, but cute gets old.
Me: Look at me. I am a mere shell of my old self. I am fatter and more worn out than ever.
Him: You're not that...
Me: Watch it.
Him: Still. I've been around other kids before. None of them require this much non-stop attention. Something must be wrong with her.
Me: Ok. What do you think it is?
Him: Maybe she needs medication
Me: You dumbshit. She's two.
Him: Maybe I need medication.
Me: If you get some, give me half.

Me: Wouldn't it be fun if Uncle took you to the park?
Him: Groaning
M: Yeah, yeah, yeah , park, uncle, uncle park park uncle park uncle uncle park.
Me: Can you honestly disappoint someone as cute as that?
Him: I am over the cute factor. I told you that already.
Me: I'll buy you beer. And I'll give you $20.
Him: Groaning, yet rising upwards.

I am totally exploiting him today, and I have no problem with it.
At all.
And it's not even noon yet.


Anonymous said...

LOL!! I can understand how your brother feels in some respects, being as I've never had children. On the other hand, it will mean something to him later. (Remind him of that! (g)



Anonymous said...

Hey, if you can't take advantage of family, who can you?

heh heh

Anonymous said...

Your brother is but putty in your hands. You remind me of my sister.

acumamakiki said...

Hehehe. This is a good one. How funny that your bro thought something might be wrong with M.....that and that she craps too much! He's just jealous that he can't poop 4x a day. (=

crazymumma said...

Your brother is getting a taste of the good life! i read back several posts, and i am sorry to enter the discussion about m and her illness so late.

What a truly terrifying experience. Many children outgrow asthma, and you may want to look into allergy connections (wheat dairy, nuts the usual suspects). I cannot count the number of times I have lain awake listening to my children cough, struggle with breathing, gag as a precursor to vomiting. It is all so scary. And we can feel so helpless in the face of it.

Hope she feels all better soon.

Also an amazing post about your uncle. I think you are carrying some/much of his power in have a voice, a way with words, a conviction that makes me always come back for more.

KC said...

Jen, well-played. Well-played.

And a movie out of it.

I need to start thinking like this more.

meno said...

You are a heartless woman, and i applaud you.

Penny said...


You are soo me and he is soooo my brother!

Lillithmother said...

Who knew you had a manipulative side - he certainly didn't!! LOL!

Glad to hear that M is doing better...if you like I can look up some essential oils in my course book that may help her.


PunditMom said...

HA! You go girl!

Momish said...

Your brother reminds me of myself pre-kid, so I just had to laugh throughout this post. (Kids were always scarry to me since I had no clue what to do with them, so I understand his "hesitation")

Glad to hear M is doing much better and she is enjoying time with her uncle. Even if that time is being somewhat manipulated, you go girl. He will thank you later for it, I too am sure of this.

flutter said...

he's whipped

Deb said...

Rock on , work it baby work it!

s@bd said...

unfortunately, my brother's kid takes just as much energy as my two. and although he's easily manipulated by promises of beer, he's usually asleep on my couch while his kid plays with mine and he doesn't respond well to waking.

Anonymous said...

every family needs an uncle or auntie with no kids. we are lucky as my husband is one of four and his 3 brothers don't have kids. also one of my sisters doesn't have kids. so our boy gets loads of fussing over!

mrs.incredible said...

I'm supposed to be last-minute studying for a mid-term that I have in about 1 1/2 hrs. But this is MUCH more interesting and amusing.

Jenny said...

Diaper on backwards. Ha!

metro mama said...

I'm glad she's OK. I'm just catching up on your previous posts. I'm sorry for what you've been through.

Anonymous said...

You are awesome. This is like when I handed my kid sister a margarita and told her to take Davis in the stroller for a walk while I squeezed in a yoga. Booze works.

btw, my own (probably abused) uncle is a pediatric allergist who specializes in asthma and CF. maybe I could ask him if he knows anyone from conferences in your area. we need to kick this asthma's butt before living the Belize dream!

Anonymous said...

I love that he put the diaper on backwards. Classic!

Anonymous said...

Jealous - my brother has two kids of his own and a third on the way.