mojito wobbles

After a gratifying and challenging day exploring possibilities and limitations in strategic partnerships and affordable housing we hit the town for Cuban. Two mojitos later and the conversation veered into the personal - about the strength and validity of love and commitment and personal philosophies about what is feasible to expect over the long term combined with biology and selfishness and the lack of control over all things changing.

One opinion was that no relationship can truly last "forever", that it's an unrealistic expectation and a farce of society. Others held truer to love trumping all, and the notion of beating the system. And above all else rose the notion of having integrity in relationship, and being brave enough to call it quits when quits is due. And how easy it is to wax on about relational ethics over mojitos and cuban.

I've generally fallen back on a simple tale, one told by the magnificent Barbara Kingslover in one of her earlier books, either Bean Trees or Pigs in Heaven, I can't quite remember now (blame it on the mojitos) the one w/ that kid Turtle, and the lover, Jax. And how Jax described secrets as taking a raw egg into bed with you, and instead of telling your lover about the egg, you roll and tumble and shield and do everything not to crack the egg, when the really honorable thing is to hand the egg over and let the other decide what to do, whether to scramble or toss or put back in the fridge. But at least you've let them in on the secret, because you respect them enough to know how to handle it from there. And if you don't, eventually, one of you is going to roll over onto it and all you'll have left is a big mess in your bed.

And as is more and more common lately, my thoughts turned to you, and I wondered what your philosophy is on love and it's sustainability, and whether or not we are all just kidding ourselves. And more importantly, how you separate the wheat from the chaff and decide what's worth keeping versus being simply sacrificial or largely afraid.