okay already

There are just some things I know about me. Like how I could never, ever say: It's time to make a baby. M came of her own volition, jumping over the birth control pills on her way in.

But then I think: wow, I will only ever have one child. One. And I wonder if that is okay. Okay for M, growing up without siblings, okay for J, and okay, yes, dammit...okay for me. It feels okay now. But will it feel okay later?

But I think it's the way it's going to be. I am turning 37 this month. I just think it's the way it's going to be. But it seems so final, this way that it's going to be. And I feel okay with it, except that it seems so final.

Now please tell me that is ok, this way it's going to be.