Wednesday, September 05, 2007

three

I thought I knew just about everything three years ago and all of a sudden realized I'd never learned a thing. You came on a burning night filled with light and love and fright and calm and anxiousness and peace and laughter and blood. We held your tiny, tiny body and our tears mixed with your birthiness and we were all covered with the making of you.

That first night was the longest, the three of us in one small hospital bed, your daddy and I staring at you and at each other and wondering what we'd done. And yet you've shown us every step of the way what you need and how you love and what the world looks like because you are in it.

You've grown famously for the last three years my sweet beautiful girl, you've turned our lives and world upside down and on it's head and while I've often felt like I was clawing my way out I know now I was digging my way in. You are my secret, my joy, my breath, my deepest understanding of myself. I now realize my worth, my long resisting eyes screwed shut to the thought of this purpose that now has me peeling back the sun to crawl deeper into your heat. Because my child, you are the truest and brightest thing I have ever known.


I promise to keep doing my best to see the world through your eyes and meet you on rainbows so we can dance to the music and roll around in the rain. The gift, the incredible gift of you has humbled and honored and silenced me to tears while screaming my gratitude to the moon.

Thank you for choosing us to care for you while you grow into this world and make it your own. We'll always, always have your back and never fail to push you towards the sun. You are the most amazing and hilarious being I have ever met in my life and I know you'll love age three just as much as you've loved one and two. So let's rock it sister child because there is no one I'd rather be careening through life with other than you.

Happy Birthday to you.


65 comments:

thordora said...

Happy birthday little one!

3 is awesome. I learned so much last year about letting go, who I was, who my daughter makes me. It was frustrating and long and tiring, but so worth it.

Mad Hatter said...

Dang! I thought I was the first to get a slice of birthday cake but Thordora beat me to the table.

Jen, I love seeing pictures of M. I love hearing you sing your love songs to her. All is beauty.

Happy 3rd birthday, sweets.

Lawyer Mama said...

Oh, Jen, this is an absolutely amazing birthday tribute. She's so adorable and she looks so much like you.

Happy Birthday, Miss M!

Her Grace said...

Oh, Jen. Why did you do that to me? I just dropped my four-year-old off for her first every day of preschool and was already teary. Now I'm sobbing. That was absolutely beautiful.

Her Grace said...

P.S. Happy birthday, Little One!

Beck said...

Happy birthday to your beautiful girl.

Sarah said...

Jen, that was so so lovely. She's simply beautiful.

crazymumma said...

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

I don't usually get all teary before 11 am but you fucking got me Jen.

Their power is amazing isn't it? And we are so very lucky to be a part of the majesty.

May she have a day filled with spectacular sugar highs and joyful purple unicorns.

Three. (I hope she reads this post someday).

thailandchani said...

She really is a beautiful child... of course you know I believe that.

I also wish her the best of birthdays.


Peace,

~Chani
http://thailandgal.blogspot.com

acumamakiki said...

Happy birthday to your beautiful baby girl - this is such a gorgeous letter to your girl honey.

"while I've often felt like I was clawing my way out I know now I was digging my way in. You are my secret, my joy, my breath, my deepest understanding of myself."

amen. xoxo

Hetha said...

I love this: and while I've often felt like I was clawing my way out I know now I was digging my way in.

She's such a beauty! Happy B-day M!

Mayberry said...

Happy birthday beautiful girl!

Her Bad Mother said...

XOXOXOXO

to you and to that beautiful child.

alejna said...

Happy birthday to your bright and beautiful girl.

Thank you for sharing the joy of this day and of your discoveries.

Christine said...

sending kisses to the crazy cute chocolaty face.

happy birthday!

Kyla said...

Oh jen! What a beauty. What a touching post. Beauty, beauty everywhere.

Happy birthday, sweet child.

J Fife said...

I never realized our girls were so close in age. I feel like I'm right there in the trenches with you - digging in where I belong, but I could never describe it as poetically as you.

Happy 3!

Tabba said...

Oh, I just loved this Ode To M.
It is just so beautiful and eloquent and heartfelt.

Happy Birthday to the three of you.

She grows more and more beautiful. That face is so utterly kissable and squeezeable.

Magpie said...

She's adorable!

Happy Birthday!

PunditMom said...

That is the sweetest birthday tribute, and she is a real cutie!

Janet said...

Your words are beautiful and so is your little one.

Happy days, always.

slouching mom said...

Oh, M, Happy Birthday, beautiful girl.

And as for your mama, well, she has found the magic in you and she has shared her find in her poetic words.

Julie Pippert said...

Oh so beautiful, this post and your girl. Lucky lucky beauty beauty.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to her!

Three.

So wonderful. And God help you.

:)

Julie
Using My Words

Oh, The Joys said...

Happy Birthday to the girl with the beautiful, wonderful mama jen.

painted maypole said...

what a lucky little girl. and lucky parents.

loved this

mitzh said...

Happy Birthday to your gorgeous little angel!

This post made me cry, so beautifully written...

Gorilla Bananas said...

How can you resist pinching her cheeks?

Binky said...

Happy birthday to M, and my best to you on your third anniversary as a mother.

QT said...

You two are SO meant to be together, woman.

Happy Birthday to M, and Happy Birth Day to you to, Jen. When I go to kid parties, I always bring a gift for the mom because it is a special day of remembrance for them, too.

Kiss and hugs all around - what a great post! And of course, what a cutie!

KC said...

Happy Birthday baby!

The gift that keeps giving...may mama and papa and child grow in love together always.

ms chica said...

beautiful words to describe a like experience. I love seeing the world through the eyes of a child, it brings hope and neutralizes reality.

mamatulip said...

Oh, I love birthday posts. Happy Birthday to your sweet girl.

Anjali said...

Oh, what a simply beautiful tribute to a gorgeous little girl!

nomotherearth said...

Happy birthday to a sweet, beautiful girl!

Cagey said...

What a Beautiful post for a beautiful soul.

I needed to read this today. Thank you for sharing it.

theflyingmum said...

Awesome post. Happy birthday, M!

Blog Antagonist said...

Aw, that was lovely. She is lovely. Happy Birthday to her. Happy Momday to you.

bgirl said...

so sweet jen.
she is delicious and near as i can tell you are all super blessed.

happy day to you, daddy, and the little sunshine girl.

flutter said...

Happy Birthday little miss M. Beautiful day, indeed and every day that she shares your space, isn't it?

Jennifer said...

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. The girl and the mama love.

Happy Birthday Three Year Old Girl!

ellinghouse said...

what a great post! She will love to read this someday....very special.

Aliki2006 said...

Happy Birthday to M.! She's beautiful!

I love three--one of my personal all-time favorite ages.

Juliness said...

What breathtakingly beautiful words to your daughter! Thank you for sharing them with us.

Mrs. Chicky said...

Happy birthday to your beautiful girl. And happy birth day to you too, Mama.

kgirl said...

Your tributes are always beautiful, but this one - and those curls, and that smile, and those eyes - this one takes the cake.

Happy birthday to you both.

Seattle Mamacita said...

amazing our kids are only days apart. happy birthday beautiful little one!

Carrie said...

This is simply wonderful..
Happy Birthday to your cute little daughter.

cinnamon gurl said...

Happy Birthday M! I love that pic of her as a newborn... and those curls as a big three-year-old. Wow!

pgoodness said...

That was a fabulous birthday post. You are a talented writer - you have a gift in putting your emotions and thoughts into words. Thank you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET GIRL!!!

urban-urchin said...

you made me cry... happy birthday sweet girl (and you too mama)

carrie said...

Happy Birthday to M!

She is so adorable, it melts me . . .

Persephone said...

Good lord, I'm all a-sniffle. That was lovely. What a gorgeous creature your daughter is.

Amy York said...

That was just beautiful! Thanks for sharing the photo... it's great to put faces to names. Hope her birthday was spectacular! :)

Amy York said...

PS ~ How did that dark dark hair turn so blonde?

meno said...

Sweet! Happy birthday to the end result of millennia of natural selection.

Lisa said...

That was beautiful. I wish your daughter has a wonderful life.

blooming desertpea said...

A very very poetic tribute to a so very cute girl.

Happy birthday - little wonder of life!

Wacky Mommy said...

Happy birthday, kid. Keep up the good work.

The Expatriate Chef said...

Happy Birthday! September birthdays are the best! I am biased, of course.

Nancy said...

What a lovely post -- and what a lovely girl.

Happy, happy birthday to M!

whymommy said...

Your words, your words swirl around me, making me see how fiercely you love your daughter, your little ball of light, and I am honored that you've shared them with the world.

(And tickled that you're apparently reading my blog while I'm reading yours!)

liv said...

You've captured this in words that make my heart sing. Happy *belated* day of your earthly entrance, M!

Susanne said...

Happy birthday to M. Three is such a great age. I'm hugging both of you through my computer.

Ally said...

Oh, the sweetness. Happy birthday to your little treasure.

luckyzmom said...

What a precious, precious child!!!!

In tears! All that dark hair. Like my babies. My daughters dark head of hair also turned blond with an inch and a half or so of the dark at the ends as if it had been dunked in an ink well. My sons', tho stayed dark like his Papa.