wet and shiny and full of illusion

I've been busier than a one legged girl in an ass kicking contest. See, it's raining and it's raining a lot. California doesn't quite know how to handle an actual storm so there are flash floods and power outages, downed trees and accidents everywhere. It's our genetics to fail at weather. You northerners and easterners, you can laugh all you want. But I wear flip flops year round, so mock me, I can take it. But I digress.

A storm like this is hard on folks with no place to sleep so we started working overtime to open projects for additional hours and larger numbers. Processes that require getting government types here to plead our case to government types farther up the food chain hoping it will eventually trickle back down to us. These good people went the distance for us over the past 48 hours and amidst middle of the night calls and incredible feats of teamwork we ended up successfully offering additional safety nets for folks opened on a dime. Feeling victorious last night I headed over to a church where more good people opened their doors for our makeshift operations. I arrived right before mealtime where several church members were preparing to open the food line, a line with maybe fifty or more already at attention between the piles of bedding on the floor. A woman holding a spatula was calling for attention to bless the meal. Immediately our folks, hungry and probably tired of that line started that hushed yet really loud sort of whispering shut up, shut up. they are saying grace, shut the fuck up I heard one guy say and head bowed I couldn't help laughing. The meal was blessed to a resounding AMEN and a round of applause and in no time at all everyone had a hot meal.

It's easy to delude oneself in those moments, spirits are high and the mood is good. It's easy to overlook the tragedy, that each of these people have no place to go and all the food in the world doesn't change that for a minute. I spot a little girl, maybe three or four, her plate piled high. Her hair is a mess and I am temporarily broken. She looks up and smiles. I crack a bit on the inside but also know it's the best she'll do tonight. An old timer, a guy I haven't seen all season comes up. girl, look at you. where you been? where have you been, old man, I haven't seen you all year. He looks at me then away. I think I know. Ah, what for this time around? A fight. I can't seem to help it. It was only for a few months. He has a few less teeth than I remember but a bit more weight, three hots and a cot have some benefits. He stands close, eavesdropping as I am meeting with a couple of folks strategizing how to transport folks in the morning to our new spot, one they can stay in all day and out of the cold. He's smiling when I am done. You a big shot now, girl? Sitting at the big table? I smile and shrug. But you are still here. You can take the girl outta the shelter but you can't take the shelter outta the girl. Something like that, I say, I like this guy and I've liked him for a long time, his bullshit included. He asks for a hug and I give him one, hard and look him in the eyes. Anytime you want to change things, J, you let me know. Too many years of this shit will kill you. I know, he replies. But it's all I know. You still married? I smile at him again, some things never change no matter how much hard living comes in between.