Tuesday, March 03, 2009

day 14: every little thing is gonna be alright

We leave early, I am determined not to rush. We drive away from our house down the dirt road, I dodge a rooster and a wild horse. Too many dogs to count and children are everywhere, there are no sidewalks so they walk in the road. The dirt road gives way to a paved one right outside the village and we head farther into town. M is happily chattering in the back, she can't wait to get there. If she showed the slightest bit of hesitation I'd not feel the need to start her today but she wants to go and I marvel at her bravery on her first day of school.

We arrive and she runs to the yard and starts jumping on the old tires and battered see saws while I talk with the teacher. I see the shelf where her snack bag goes and I place it there. I glance at the bathrooms and like every bathroom here I have to take a deep breath. I am hesitant to leave, I figure I'll stay as long as she wants but after 15 minutes she tells me I can go. Tears prick the backs of my eyes.

I tell the woman who runs the preschool that I am leaving and she tells me M will be fine. She sees my face and says oh baby, I will love her like she's my own and pulls me into a long hug. Still hugging me she says I promise, because I know how much they matter. My son died last year, his birthday was yesterday. Now the tears fall from my eyes and when she releases me she's crying too. I am so sorry, I say and she says Thank you. He was only 21. I lean over and give her a hug, it's me hugging her this time. We look at each other for a long moment and she says you do not worry, she will be fine. And I believe her because I knew it from the moment I saw this place last week, for everything it's not it's entirely full of love. I reminded her I have friends who want to help with supplies and she promises to make me a list. Friends from where she asks and I tell her from the North and she looks at me and smiles, I don't know why they'd want to help a little school all the way down here but it's how God works and that's how I know that even today everything will be okay. And I leave then, getting in our car and driving back down a little dirt road leading to a paved one and then back onto the dirt.

Bookmark and Share

31 comments:

Domestic Extraordinaire said...

how wonderful. I am sure M is having the time of her life at preschool.

motherbumper said...

Well if you are quoting Bob, then everything little thing IS gonna be alright.

Redneck Mommy said...

Make sure you let me know the preschool teacher's name.

Maybe her son will watch over mine. Bug would love a jungle buddy.

I'm sure M is having the time of her life. I'm a little jealous.

Krysten said...

How amazing and beautiful.

Bon said...

my eyes are leaking, Jen.

you know, i'm looking around here for preschools and sitters b/c mine is moving...and i'm hard pressed to find a teacher like M. has.

am happy to send supplies, to join in that. the love? you've just raised my standards for acceptable care.

Magpie said...

Damn. I should have stuck some crayons in with the yoga mat.

That school, and teacher - they sound great. And your M is full of brave.

Anonymous said...

tell her

i am holdin her

personally responsible for

the well being of M

and thats exactly

why we want to help

this little school

its all about

takin care of family

and has nothing

to do with god

Christine said...

you brought tears to my eyes, my love.

xoxo

Amy said...

What a brave and adventurous girl! I hope she loves her school. I am on the edge of my seat to read what you write here. I know you don't know me, but I am here, rooting for you.

Mayberry said...

Some dear friends of my parents just lost their only son (he was 41) and I can't stop thinking about them.

Let us know what this lovely woman needs and she will have it!

Arwen said...

Sometimes I read your stories and think of the book Out of Africa (but without the syphilis, of course)
So interesting.

painted maypole said...

love is all you need

;)

mamatulip said...

Don't worry...about a ting...

The love coming from this post has uplifted me today.

Thank you. :)

Don Mills Diva said...

I am spellbound by your adventure Jen...beautiful.

Denguy said...

Holy crap, everyone's making me cry today.

I will send school supplies--I love shopping for that kind of stuff.

ms. changes pants while driving said...

what an amazing beautiful adventure.

alejna said...

That's so beautiful. I'm a bit leaky, too.

I'd love to help with the school supplies, too.

I can't wait (well, I mean I know I have to, but don't want to) to see some photos.

Amber said...

That's such a lovely post, you've made me cry.

And why is it that these kids are always ready for everything before we are? I mean, it's great that they're happy at school and all that jazz, but what about us?

Kyla said...

I hope she had a wonderful day.

Tabba said...

can't wait to hear how her day went....and yours :)

Madge said...

how sweet and wonderful. thank you for sharing your life with us.

Maggie, Dammit said...

I'm finally just gonna post a stupid comment. I haven't been saying anything because you regularly leave me speechless. And sometimes I want to say, "I miss you!" which is stupid because it's not like we've ever met and you're here, blogging, still. Other times I just want to say, "WOW" and "COOL" and "FUCKING AWESOME" but I don't want to sound like a dip all the time and so I sit here saying nothing but finally here I am because I can't help it anymore, I just love you. I'm loving reading these posts. I love it all. I'm not going to hit the red x on this comment this time like I have for the last 15 attempts, I'm not. It's staying. XO

Lil said...

THis is the Jen writing that I have missed...the rawness drenched in beauty of Love and compassion...and all the wholesome goodness you seem to encompass and attract...

Please hug the teacher for me too...and count me in for supplies too.

((Jen & M))

I'm dreading the first day of school...and will probably cry too!

Peace,
Lil xo

Pgoodness said...

Ah. It sounds so good. So right.

Can I send anything? School supplies or supplies for you guys?

Wayfarer Scientista said...

sometimes that liric is just enough to get you through the day.

Ally said...

Never once have I had a teacher promise to love my children like they were their own. I am so happy that she said that, and that your gut instinct about the love in that school was correct. Also, you already know that I love you, Jen, but this post illustrates one of the reasons why: your authenticity. I'm not sure if you know this, but people don't just open up to everyone like this teacher did to you. Your projecting an open and caring and authentic vibe, and it just pulls people in. I love that about you.

carrie said...

I'll 2nd what Maggie said.

And count me in for supplies, you know I'm good for 'em.

deezee said...

You have something about you. Everywhere you go, you find this love and connection.

Amanda said...

There is magic in your child being loved by another, layers of arms holding them throughout their life. A wondrous gift, friend.

Kim said...

The lump in my throat.....it is hard to swallow past.

My heart aches for you, for her and for me.

Does anything hurt as much as the love we have for our children?

(formerly Karen Forest-Anything but mine)

crazymumma said...

I went away as well but no where near as exciting as you. I just read the last six or so posts.

wow hon. you fucking did it.

xo Anne