day 14: every little thing is gonna be alright

We leave early, I am determined not to rush. We drive away from our house down the dirt road, I dodge a rooster and a wild horse. Too many dogs to count and children are everywhere, there are no sidewalks so they walk in the road. The dirt road gives way to a paved one right outside the village and we head farther into town. M is happily chattering in the back, she can't wait to get there. If she showed the slightest bit of hesitation I'd not feel the need to start her today but she wants to go and I marvel at her bravery on her first day of school.

We arrive and she runs to the yard and starts jumping on the old tires and battered see saws while I talk with the teacher. I see the shelf where her snack bag goes and I place it there. I glance at the bathrooms and like every bathroom here I have to take a deep breath. I am hesitant to leave, I figure I'll stay as long as she wants but after 15 minutes she tells me I can go. Tears prick the backs of my eyes.

I tell the woman who runs the preschool that I am leaving and she tells me M will be fine. She sees my face and says oh baby, I will love her like she's my own and pulls me into a long hug. Still hugging me she says I promise, because I know how much they matter. My son died last year, his birthday was yesterday. Now the tears fall from my eyes and when she releases me she's crying too. I am so sorry, I say and she says Thank you. He was only 21. I lean over and give her a hug, it's me hugging her this time. We look at each other for a long moment and she says you do not worry, she will be fine. And I believe her because I knew it from the moment I saw this place last week, for everything it's not it's entirely full of love. I reminded her I have friends who want to help with supplies and she promises to make me a list. Friends from where she asks and I tell her from the North and she looks at me and smiles, I don't know why they'd want to help a little school all the way down here but it's how God works and that's how I know that even today everything will be okay. And I leave then, getting in our car and driving back down a little dirt road leading to a paved one and then back onto the dirt.