to whom it concerns

Dear Sir,

You don't know me but I know some things about you. I am just a girl on the fringe, watching the orange alerts creeping into red. I see the borders you are reinforcing, those walls look strong and those men with guns look mean. I see the new prisons under construction, the ones already overflowing (commuting Libby was money, dude. Way to save bed space!) I see the lack of Iraqis being granted asylum in our country, even as we run roughshod over theirs. That pesky deathtoll keeps rising, but calling it collateral damage is a great idea, so much easier to forget that way! And good idea saving money on supplies, our men and women in combat don't need much, it's plenty hot there already, no need to weigh them down with cumbersome body armor.

I notice the rising rates of HMO coverage, the fact that millions of kids can't see a doctor. I see the slow progress in Louisiana, even though some of your contractor buddies made out like bandits over a year ago. Schools are more overcrowded than ever; those federal budget cuts have a way of trickling down, good job cutting corners on that one. Who needs an education anyways! And that whole fight to minimize global warming? Good strategy, no need getting everyone panicked. In fact, incentives for purchasing over sized gas guzzling vehicles is showing your commitment! To Oil!

Not everyone has a house, and some of those who do don't have electricity. No worries there, folks are resourceful, they can use blankets. Plus there are showers at public parks and way less staff around to manage the traffic so any of us can sneak in and clean right up. Saves on water too! Food is an annoying necessity, but hey, dumpsters are overflowing everywhere. Speaking of landfills, I hear we might be using oceans now, what a great idea. Lots of room at the bottom of the ocean! Wasted Space!

All in all, Mr. President, I think you are doing just swell. That whole Patriot Act thing was the real kicker, keeping those people who challenge you in their place! Not to mention fixing the election back in 2000, way to go after what you want, we love that pitbull attitude. And who cares if the rest of the world hates us? We'll just keep them saddled in debt and and terrified of invasion and eventually they'll come around. I think you are doing a great job running this country - you never let anyone stand in your way, not even the truth!

And who cares about truth when we have fear? Fear! The New Truth!

Cheers,

She Who Waits Like A Dog In Heat For 2008

PS. Happy 4th!

PPS. What kind of dirt did Libby have on you anyways?

barnyard compromises

For me, a lot of this parenting gig has been a series of doing things I'd never thought I would ever do. There's been many. Clapping with glee at your infant drooling on the swings, finding some sort of entertainment in that Barney thing, and amassing inordinate amounts of stuff (even if none of it was purchased by you).

But then sometimes you find yourself doing something so egregious that you simply can't believe it was you. Yes, I know it's already obvious. I am talking about Pony Rides.

I mean, pony rides? I can't even drive by one of those places without feeling sick. Those poor ponies, ones who should be free to run and play and scamper are instead rendered joyless, consigned to walking around in a circle, the same circle, every single day.

It should be illegal.

We found ourselves yesterday at a place with the aforementioned social ill, and M was insane to ride one. Me ride horsey, me ride horsey, peeeas Mama peeeas! J and I glared at each other through sunglassed faces, already in a mental game of not it. I can't be a part of this, I say. To which J nods his head in solidarity. But M prevails, and we get in line.

The whole business left me feeling dirty. I feel like it's officially open season on my ethical standards. Next I'll be wearing mouse ears or something. May god help us all.

Please note that if you happen to be an owner, operator or fan of pony rides, that this is solely the personal opinion of the author (and for the love of god, everyone elses), i mean my opinion only.