in the park

Every morning I get up very early and work out with a group of people in a nearby park. It's one of those organized things, where the guy in charge very nicely yells at you to do more run more jump more and you do it because you need to and also because it's fun. I've been doing it for awhile now and the group is friendly enough, companionable in the sense that we are all doing this together.

Two days ago we were on a little run and in a line we passed by a parked car. I see the people in front of me turn their heads as they go and when I pass I see a cat, a pile of blankets, and a kid and I immediately know it means some folks are sleeping in their car.

So I drop out of the line and run over to the car and I see a woman and a few kids and a couple of cats all piled inside. She's nervous when I approach so I talk to her through the window a bit, I tell her what I used to do and that I mean no offense but if they are without a place to stay maybe I can help. So she rolls down her window and we talk a good long while and I promise I'll connect her as soon as I'm done with this jumping around stuff. As it always has, my heart breaks for the kids, especially the one not much older than mine who jumps out of the car to get dressed in the street before school. Her little face is dirty but her smile is bright. They've been living like this since February.

They've been living like this since February.

So I fall back in with the class and there are some whispers, what was that what's going on are those people in their car and I briefly share and I also share that this is what I used to do and do in different ways today. Folks react in a way I am surprised by, they start telling me I am so good for doing this and I get embarrassed and a bit weird because I haven't done anything yet and this family is still in their car and it's awful. Later at work I recount it for my in the business friends and they understand my awkwardness because to them these sorts of interactions are normal and certainly not worth making a big deal over, it's simply what they do.

So today I go back a bit happier, because in the meantime I've connected the family with some housing options but am frustrated because it's going to take a few days. So I bring some food to give to them after class was over but during class others said they've brought food too.

So after class is over I walk over with some food and several others are coming too. So different from yesterday, today we are all gathered around the car, one woman is giving the kids all kinds of food. One of the guys is looking under the engine of the car, another helping load things in the back. There is talk of other ways to help, bringing dinner, clothes, a mechanic. They are inspired to do more.

All of a sudden the littlest girl starts jumping up and down Look mama, water! Look mama, bread! And in that space my heart cracks in half, little girls excited over bread and water is wrong on so many levels it nearly makes me cry. Our new friend looks at all of us, she does start to cry and thanks everyone over and over. She hugs us and we hug her and I promise to get in touch with her tomorrow. I know we'll figure this thing out.

I look at my peers and I see their faces, the generosity and kindness and everything else. I see they are moved by this moment and I am too. What created discomfort yesterday turned into love and action today. Strangers are now friends. It's so easy to do the right thing.

day 35: stoned

J woke up yesterday in terrible pain and we figured it was kidney stones since he's had them in the past. He actually tells me he needs to go to the hospital, an enormous first for him. So we figure out who can take M to school and we find out which hospital is the best and off we go for parts unknown. The hospital was pretty laid back, not a lot of bureacracy, you just check in and then tell someone what's wrong and they pick a doctor and you sit outside their door till they come out and then you sit on a bench here and then move to one over there, hang out here and then come over there. Everything is bare bones and folks just sort of congregate but all in all we had no complaints for how they cared for him or for how long it took.

All of it together only cost about $100 US but none of it will fix the problem, the laser machine he needs to break up the stones don't exist in this country, so it's either Cuba or Guatemala or of course, back to the States. So we'll see another MD tomorrow but chances are he'll have to leave for awhile to get this taken care of and thankfully our US insurance is still in effect. After getting pain medication he starts to muse that it might be kind of cool to go to Guatemala to get it fixed but I smack him on the head, pain or no that just seems dumb to go where you know no one versus going home where he'll have a place to stay and the language is the same. I suppose you can take the boy out of the adventure but you cannot take the adventure out of the boy. Besides that I'd totally pick Cuba but whatever, it's not my kidney.

So now that the crisis is managed I can breathe deeper, but for a few moments this morning I felt so entirely alone, that one false step can throw us under, that we really don't know what we are doing here at all and then things fall into place and it's okay again. If there is one thing that I keep learning here it's that things work themselves out, they do because they must and because life is easier than we think if we just take it one step at a time. Already the word of his illness is making the rounds of our little community, some non traditional healers are reaching out to us and J's interested in exploring that too so maybe we'll fix this sooner than we think. Like I said, things have a way of working themselves out, everywhere of course but lately it seems especially here.

M at school (the one looking at the camera). Aren't the uniforms cute? Every school here has some sort of uniform. Every school here is religious too, at least the public ones. Not as cute, but she's learning all sorts of new stuff, including about that guy who died on a cross and CAME BACK! He was bleeding everywhere and still CAME BACK! Nice. Thanks for that.

In other non medical related news, I had the chance to meet Jen this weekend. She and a group of friends were in the town near our village so we agreed to meet at a bar. I was running a bit late and had no way to contact her but as I drove through town I saw a woman on the street. I've never met her but she'd sent a picture and even in the dark I just knew it was her. So I'm yelling her name out the window and she sees me and jumps in the car and we head back to the bar. Pretty funny, given that if I'd not seen her I might have missed her altogether but I happened to find her in the street. Small country, this one. So we shared a beer and talked and she, because she is entirely amazing, actually lugged a whole bag of school supplies and even some presents for M. She has no idea how happy she made my child and about 20 others just through her simple kindness. It was so wonderful to meet her in person, and it makes me laugh that our first visitor is a blog friend but in actuality it makes perfect sense.

day 30: novelty and reality

We've been here a month now, in this time we've learned how to shop for eggs and produce at the outdoor market, where to get the cheapest milk and chicken, where the best panades and garnaches are and how I can feel full on .50. I've learned the fastest way to get a collectivo (taxi), figured out M's school (and even managed to ask you all for help), had one visit to the MD and one to the moon, got a puppy and a hammock, learned how to cook with butane and have wielded more packing tape to ancient screens in the name of bug whispering than a girl should ever use in her lifetime. I've got some time here now, and all of this has led me to a few observations which I will kindly share with you.

1. To the makers of Charmin toilet paper: What gives? You make one kind of paper for the US and one for everywhere else? Do you think people here don't deserve to wipe their asses the same way as folks in the West? The crap you peddle here is ridiculous, I can't believe you put your brand on it which goes to show how little you must think of us, we who still need to wipe our asses even outside of the States. It's so thin it falls almost off the roll, and are the smallest rolls you can imagine. What gives, makers of Charmin?
2. What gives, makers of ice cream? Have you not found a way to import your wares into this country, so that we are forced to rely on the local ice cream, which is really just frozen milk and air and generally filled only about a third of the way up the container. What gives, Dreyers, Breyers and Baskin? There's a market here waiting for you. I don't even like ice cream but my kid does and this might be the least you can do.
3. Jungle bugs. You dudes are such suckers, literally. Must you bite us into oblivion? Must you be so creepy, falling off the walls and popping out in the dark? J stepped into a tick nest and who had to pull out 15 of you little suckers? Me, that's who. Using tweezers that once were for my eyebrows but since I haven't worn make up in a month haven't had to use till now) That's just gross, jungle bugs. The frog I accidentally grabbed this morning when reaching into my washing machine? This goes for you too, buddy.
4. What gives, sudden rainstorms? I'm feeling decidely amazonian, watching my freshly (and frog free) laundry swaying in the breeze between two palms like little prayer flags when suddenly it starts pouring, pouring, pouring. I think you like seeing me race out to the line and snatch things off like a crazy person only to stop raining as soon as I'm done. I get it, I'm a newbie. You could go easier on me is all I'm saying. Stop laughing at me.
5. What gives, jungle roads? People drive crazy, there are potholes and craters everywhere and I literally bounce along everywhere I go. You try carrying home eggs in a bag (no neat little egg cartons here folks) down those roads. Be sure to watch for the wild horses. And the dogs. And the pigs. And the roosters. And people. It's like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride every single day. No matter that M loves it, she rolls her window down all the way and hangs her head out screaming HORSES PIGS DOGS CHICKENS everywhere we go. No matter if that's really cute. Ok, it matters some. I don't really mind you that much, jungle roads.

The lovely Painted Maypole has kindly offered to facilitate getting supplies to M's jungle school. She is happy to have folks ship the donated items to her in the States and then she'll forward things along in one package OR she's offered to accept donations via paypal which she'll use to then purchase educational items for the classroom. If you are interested in either option, please email her directly at pntdmaypoleATyahoo.com. Isn't she the coolest chick ever?

Here's what the school looks like, the outside of the classroom and part of the playground. More pictures coming soon.


So if you'd still like to contribute to stocking a little Central American preschool with much needed educational supplies, this might make it easier for you. You can also scroll down to my Full Moon post and read the list of stuff they need. And for everyone who has already contacted me, I thank you so much. It's consistently humbling and amazing how this community of ours always seems to say yes.

day 23: full moon

The Moon Ritual was amazing, there are no two ways about it. A new friend invited me, so at the appropriate time we drove high into the hills to an amazing house where a group of fantastic women were gathered. We ate, drank and then moved into the ritual space where one of the women (who is also a Shaman) lead the group through the process culminating with burning our arrows in the fire. I am like a sponge, humble and open and yielding, so each encounter feels authentic and I am starting to understand why I was drawn to this place. I was drawn to this place to learn to trust myself and to learn from the wisdom of women elders, that became clear to me last night and is scary and exciting all at once because no matter what, this place is going to change me in ways that I want and do not want but if I want to walk through these new doors there are people here who will and are showing me the way.

So much of this place is hard and that's not me complaining but acknowledging a truth, someone recently said this country chews you up and spits you out and yet you come back for more and it made so much sense because this is not tropical america no matter how much you want to think that it is. It is foreign and different and complex and yet at the same time there is magic and wonder and mystery here. It's just coated in bugs and dirt and heat.

Speaking of hard and different, if you still want to help M's preschool I finally have the list. You should know that shipping things here is expensive, probably cost $20 or more to send a package so please don't feel any obligation but if you are willing I'd love to help out in some small ways, these kids are lacking in basic supplies that would mean so much.

In no particular order she's asked for:

Crayons: the kind you get at learning places where you can get a dozen or more of the same color, like 12 reds, 12 blues and so on. If not she'll take regular crayons but specifically asked for this.
Felt board cutouts for story time
Markers - washable
Legos
Puzzles (ages 4-5)
Pencils
Construction Paper
Glue
Googly eyes
Pipe Cleaners
Glitter
Blocks
Story books (ages 4-5)
Play doh
Paints (washable)
Paint brushes
Coloring books
Tape
Games
Laminated word cutouts. Not sure what this is but you preschool teachers probably will.
Basically anything educational or crafty

She has about 25 kids in her class and supplies are really hard to get here and what you can get costs a lot and is terrible quality. So if you are game send me an email at girlplustwoATyahooDOTcom and I'll send you the address. I think she'll be happy for whatever she is able to get to help the kids. She can't believe folks are willing to help but I told her I come from a very good village and that seemed to make a lot of sense.

day 21: being in community

One of the biggest distinctions between our old and new lives is being immersed in community. In the States, I had work friends and blog friends and family but I mostly stayed home, evenings with friends were a rare treat amidst the race to work and school and store and home. People stayed indoors where I lived, coming out only when there was something to do. Here everything revolves around community, there are always people calling and coming round, you actually have to make an effort to have time alone.

This weekend was just like that, Friday we were invited to a friend's home, a place where she also hosts travelers in little cabanas on her property. She is responsible for cooking for her guests and even though Friday was a full house she still wanted us there. I noticed she wasn't feeling well so I insisted on coming back early the next day to get breakfast going so she could sleep in. So early the next morning I find myself bouncing up a terrible dirt road too early in the morning to make eggs and toast for travelers headed out to different adventures, whether caving or tubing or ruins or waterfalls. Later that day we helped volunteer at a village fundraiser, they are trying to improve education for the kids so we helped with t-shirt painting for awhile. Later we had dinner at a new friend's house, her land is perched high on a hill and we ate dinner under a palapa with cold beer and delicious food, a night I never wanted to see end. The next day I had 4 or so kids underfoot before we walked over to a neighbors where all of them played in the water and the adults sat around talking. I got to meet some folks from one of the Cayes and now I know where I'm taking Neen when she comes later this month. We fall into bed exhausted nearly every single night.

I keep thinking it's going to end but I don't think it does, I simply think that's how things work here, whether expat or local, native or foreign community is what drives us and it's how things get done. Folks look after each other, check in on each other and do small and thoughtful things and it's amazing to be a part of it and also a bit daunting, I can't easily whip up a batch of enchiladas like the women here can, I am often feeling lame for not having something more meaningful to share in return.

I've been invited to a Full Moon Party tomorrow, women only and I hear there is dancing around a fire. I'm supposed to make an arrow that has something I'd like to let go of written on it and toss it into the flames and I can't wait to go, I've wanted to go to one of these for a long time and never had the chance and here of all places I do.

PS. I've got the list from the preschool teacher but I left it at home. My next post will be about that, I promise. Thank you for continuing to check in.

PPS. Random funny story: M picked out postcards for her grandparents, one of which was a picture of two frogs mating. J bought it because she wanted it not thinking she knew what the frogs were doing. We figured we'd send it to the grandma with the best sense of humor and all would be fine. So last night I asked her to write her note on the cards and she picked up the one with the frogs and said i think grandma and grandpa need to get this one so they can see two frogs doing it and I said what does doing it mean? and she says making babies and just like that I thought holy shit I am not entirely sure I am happy about this newfound reptile knowledge and am also not quite sure how to stop it once the gates are open.

December Just Posts

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~ Annie

As I sit down to write my last introduction to the Just Posts I can't help but reflect back on how it all began. Two years ago many of us held a wedding, a marriage that promised to promote justice and truth as evidenced through all of you and your work to memorialize the just and the unjust around the world.

For two years we cobbled together these lists, some months short and some months long. We came together and talked about what we were doing and also what we could do together. We raised money for organizations in different parts of the world. We made volunteerism a priority, we gave our time and our money and most of all we wrote. And in between I fell in love with all of you, you turned the lights on in dusty places and showed me that the world is better than I sometimes think and together we can do more.

As Mad and I shared earlier we've enjoyed an offline discourse over the years not only about Just Posts but also how we've been influenced by others and each other's thoughts. We posed a question about pragmatism versus a heart of gold, the latter being Mad's term more than mine, I prefer to think of it as simply saying yes. So instead of changing my spots I'll end this journey the way I started, by continuing to donate because I'm asked.

This month I've become a new supporter of Ekukhanyeni, a charity where our other Just Post sister volunteers and whose Founder has been struggling to raise enough resources to meet the demand. Let me tell you a little bit about them and I hope you'll click over and see the many things they are doing to make their community and the lives of impoverished children healthier and happier.

Ekukhanyeni - Home of Light and Hope - is a non-governmental, not-for-profit organization that focuses on community upliftment in two poverty stricken informal settlements close to Johannesburg. In partnership with the local communities, this project supports some 600 vulnerable children by creating self-sustaining communities through its green and holistic design approach to community development.

I promise if you go visit you'll see why Helena gives of her time and why it matters that they are able to continue. We were happy to support them this month and only wish we could have done more. 

The decision to pass off the Just Posts was not an easy one, Mad and I have been back and forth mistresses to the 10th of every month for two years now, and Su for a year or more. It's become so ingrained that I can't quite imagine a month without it, so words won't do justice to the joy I feel in knowing that the Just Posts will continue and in very good hands. We are honored to pass of the hosting of the Just Post Community to Alejna at Collecting Tokens and Holly at Cold Spaghetti, two long time and ongoing participants and true souls, these two women graciously offered to pick up where we leave off, ensuring the Just Posts will continue to have a home. Thank you both. Thank you both so much.

So with that I'll end my current role with the Just Posts but you won't get rid of me so easily. I'll keep my seat at the table by writing and reading and sharing what I find. But until then I'll be seeing you, whether here or south of the border, the world will always feel smaller because of all of you. I truly love each of your beautiful open hearts, as evidenced yet again by our Farewell Posts, many of you heard our call and wrote and donated and shared how you support others around the world. We may not always share the same formula but it's clear we come from the same place. Each of your gifts matters so much to me, I read them some in tears and others with a grin, because you proved once more how much it matters, how much it means to give goodness and justice a place to sit.

Thank you for teaching me, for inspiring me, for moving me, and for challenging me to do more.

The December Just Posts
Alejna at Collecting Tokens with Coventry Carol
Atherton Bartleby with I think I hate you
Cecilieaux with Cut off Israel now!, It's a Madoff, Madoff, Madoff, Madoff world,
Liberal, Conservative, Democrat, Republican, Green and Why Conservatism Was Always Doomed
Country Girl with This is a Great idea
De with Mini Rant
Defiant muse with harm here is harm there
Em at Social Justice Soapbox with Resolutions for a New Year
Erika with A Day without a gay (or making an actual impact)
girlgriot with Small World...Small City...Small Minds and Not Making People Invisible
Holly with Twelve STIs of Christmas
Jozet with "Redistribute the Wealth" My Hot Green Butt
Paul Newnham with The Day After International Day and Letter to the PM
Rebecca with Big Box vs Buy Local and Small is Beautiful and Affordable
Zoom at Knitnut with Bank Street Bully

The Just Post Brides Farewell Posts
Alejna with Better for me than a scone and a latte
Bon with At epiphany
Emily with Doin' it all for my babies
Holly with Example is not the main thing in influencing others it is the only thing
Jen (ponderosa) with Fare Thee Well
Kate at Peripheral Vision with Doing More
Magpie with A Just Post Call for Help
Mary G with Resolution in 2009
Metro Mama with An Ongoing Offering

wherever we go you can come too

Oregon is so beautiful.  Being there this weekend in the freezing cold surrounded by forest and old friends, surprise visitors and even my brother.  The kids played and we cooked and we drank and we stayed up late and we laughed.  Oh, how we laughed.  It's easy to forget this kind of laughter, the kind that comes when you are with old friends, even if nothing important is said it all seems to matter.  

Each night at dinner one of our hosts put little cards under each plate and would call on us at random, playing Oz or maybe the guy from Love Connection.  All of the questions turned into a roundtable, each of us jumping in to answer someone else's until it was hard to hear each other speak. Some of the questions caused an avalanche of memories, each spilling onto the table and causing faraway looks and reminders of when. 

It was a good weekend.  Good for the soul.  Fuel for the journey.  More and more now I know we'll need it, these connections and also ways to say goodbye.  Everyone promises they'll visit and we hope they mean it because our door will always be open and cold beers will be waiting in the fridge. 

I've learned the hard way this week that staying connected is more than just words.  In the process of downsizing my life I reached out to a few folks I've lost touch with, only to find out one of them has died.  More than died, really.  He killed himself a few months after we last spoke and a few years ago now.  I only learned of it this weekend and I can't help but wonder what those last days were like for him and if he was lonely in the end.  I can't help but think of how brave I thought he was, a counterrevolutionary in his own right, on horseback and across borders and yet in the end none of that matters, it's what remains that keeps us and how we choose to live.  

Don't forget to send me your Just Posts by Friday and if you are so inclined, read my previous post and join us there too.

behind the scenes of the Just Posts

The January Just Posts, the last anniversary gift of my social justice marriage to Mad are on the horizon. And while we've got some exciting news to unveil on the 12th, we thought we'd seize the opportunity to give you a glimpse of what has gone on behind the scenes over these past two years. The following string of emails starts in early November and ends in mid-December.

Jen: am probably getting ahead of myself but I can't help it. There's an organization in South Africa that Helena is involved with that needs our help and I was thinking of doing a call to action to raise some money. But if you aren't down with this I can do it on my own and tie it into the JPs in the piece that I write. i realize i'm getting all renegade and don't want to speak for both of us. but damn, they are only asking for $1.71 per kid to ensure they each have what they need for Xmas.

Mad: Jen, I appreciate your enthusiasm but I can't do this. I just can't. I am so swamped with work, volunteer and home projects right now that I am hardly reading anyone's blogs at all. I don't feel comfortable asking people for money at the best of times but given how bad a blog a citizen I've been these last few months, I feel especially uncomfortable about it all right now. Besides, such a call to action requires a commitment to blogging that I have lost. I can scarce muster the energy for a post or two a week. To be on the ball enough--in December no less--for a joint fundraiser? Nuh uh. I also can't see myself asking people for money during a recession at Christmas. That's all there is to it.

Jen: I understand. I do. It's totally fine. Sorry to barrage you with this. I can do it and not make it an official part of the JPs. I know the recession is scary. It's terrifying me in particular for poor people. Non profits are closing programs even as more people are in need. We've seen many NEW faces needing help every month. Every month. New. It's staggering.
I love you. Sorry for being pushy. I mean it.

THREE WEEK TIME LAPSE

Jen: The activist side of me says we can get one more community fundraising project done with our last hurrah. sorry i can't help myself. but we could. don't kick me.

Mad: Here are my thoughts on community fundraising: When we did the Just Post fundraiser in June 2007, I gave $100 to the small community fundraising project you advocated. (I think I gave some to it and some to Stephen Lewis, I can't remember exactly.) As far as the Stephen Lewis foundation goes, that org is not a one-off for me. I will continue to give to it over the years for a whole host of reasons most of which have to do with social justice but some of which are more practical, like getting a tax receipt and knowing that I can always find out its profile as a charitable org.

The group you advocated was a one-off donation for me. B/c it's an American org, I can't budget my giving b/c it is always contingent upon the value of my dollar. I get no tax receipt to help maximize my gift, and it's not as easy to keep track of the organization. The problem with one-off gifts, though, is that the organization in question never believes any gift is a one-off. In the year and a half since I gave to said organization, I have received numerous funding requests from them. Each one has spent at least $2 American in postage--not to mention the costs of printing promotional material and photographs. This organization may have heart but it is not very well run administratively: just last week I received, all on the same day, 4 identical, huge envelopes promoting their Christmas campaign. The cost in postage alone was more than $14 US. By now, they have spent as much, if not more, than my original gift simply trying to woo me back. This breaks my heart b/c it feels as if I simply threw my money out the window when I could have invested it more wisely closer to home.

So -- fundraising. It is my fervent belief that if we are going to ask people for money, we should encourage them to pick an organization that they believe in and then ask them to take the leap to becoming an ongoing supporter. Who can't afford $10 or $20 a month deducted regularly from their account or put on their VISA? (I'm sure most of our readers do some form of this anyway.) This kind of giving is the only sure fire way to maximize the impact of the giving. If we were to ask that and then ask people to name the org and write a post about it, we could have a right proper send off next month WITH a lasting legacy. Just trying to be astute and not a killjoy. What think you?

Jen:You've nailed some of the principle laments of NPOs. We must keep asking. We ask and ask and ask and sometimes, yes, it costs more to ask than sometimes we receive. I suppose I'll forever fall into the camp of grassroots organizing. If it might cost $200 to house a child for a year in South Africa, then we can all give $10 and get it done without a major impact on any one person. Plus we collectively stood up against that issue.

And I suppose it frustrates me when folks say they have no money. They say they have no money in their nice car with their latte. They say they have no money as they buy four gifts instead of two. Some people really have no money, their budget keeps them housed and fed and that is literally and only all there is. I know this too.

People are dying every single day because we all have our heads up our asses in terms of resources distribution. We can't solve any of that b/c we get 30 people to give $5. I know this too.

One of the things that scares me a bit about our move is being broken hearted by new injustices of poverty in a 3rd world country. Sometimes I don't know how to manufacture my heart to beat any other way, I see the discrepancies and I literally feel I could go batshit crazy. I see my own hypocrisies and want to beat myself around the head. Last night I helped a mom w/ a four day old baby make a bed for herself on my concrete floor surrounded by 100 people from the streets. I had M with me so at first I think she thought I was staying there too. When I said to her that it was time to go she looked at me and said "you aren't staying?". So my 4-yr-old daughter asked if we could spend the night and yet I knew I would never, ever allow it and if I truly wanted to I could have let these people sleep at my house too. Instead her baby slept on the concrete floor wrapped in old blankets. He is four days into this world in the fucking united states of america. We drove home in a car with heat and had a snack with food from our fridge and went to bed in our home. He slept on the floor.

This work of mine has colored me. I like to think it's been for the best but i really do not know. You are balance. You can see the world in a way that I struggle to. It's more pragmatic. My way is an inconsistent albatross. It's a long way of saying I hear you. I do. And your way is a good way. Folks choose how they want if they want where they want and it's good.

Mad: Yes. Folks choose where they want to give BUT WE INSIST THAT THEIR GIFT BE SIGNIFICANT AND ONGOING. We can even recommend orgs that we believe in. It is the only way. What we should do, Jen, is post these email exchanges. Your heart and your dire f-ing reality vs my pragmatic head. We've walked a tightrope with this for two years straight. I think the Just Posts have been made better by the way we balance each other out. We have both changed considerably b/c of our conversations off-blog. Let's say goodbye by making those conversations, that struggle, public.

Jen: I'm in.

Dear Readers, What say you? Are you a pragmatist or a Heart of Gold? Or are you some other kind of hybrid altogether? Will you join us in becoming an ongoing financial supporter of a cause you believe in? Will you write about it on your blogs or in your tweets? Will you help to raise money AND the profile of organizations that desperately need aid?

And that's what we are asking for as our farewell gift. Send us your link by the 8th and we'll include it in our last Just Post Roundtable on the 12th. You can send your links to me at girlplustwo(at)yahooDOTcom.

Cross posted under Mad's hat.

November Just Posts

It all started two years ago with a wedding. Six months later we all opened our hearts on our anniversary and six months after that we collectively birthed a baby and named her Volunteerism. In between we took the Just Posts global by adding hosts from other parts of the world. And always, always there was you, faithfully writing and reading and joining us month after month. Two years later (and on our second anniversary! Love you Mad!) we sit here still.

So it's with sadness and also joy that we are announcing our collective stepping down as hosts of the Just Posts.

I have sincerely loved hosting our Roundtable every month for the last two years but after much deliberation and conversation with Mad and Su we've decided that each of us, for different reasons are ready to step away. For me, our upcoming move to the jungle leaves me uncertain, connectivity might be elusive and the commitment I feel in making sure the Just Posts are collected is great. These two variables together spells potential disaster, and as such I'd rather do the prudent thing and find this community a new home.

So we've decided collectively that our last Just Post Roundtable will be in January which means we'll have one more month to do it up right. If one (or two or three) of you is interested in keeping the Just Posts alive we'll be happy to hand our little village off to new caretakers, so many of you have been with us since the beginning so if it calls to you please email me and we'll talk about how great it is and how much we'd like to see the Just Posts find a new home.

I am sorry if this comes as a surprise to some of you, we've just wrapped our heads around it ourselves. But there is a season to everything, and sometimes fresh energy is exactly what a project needs to continue to thrive.

I hope this bit of news won't detract too much from the reason we all gather, the voices this month as always are loud and vibrant, spanning American politics to African ones and everything in between. And I'll have a chance to say it later but let me also say now what an honor and a pleasure it has been to be a part of the Just Post Community for the last two years. I'm a bit teary even writing this, what we've done here means that much.

Alejna with Making history and The bittersweetness of pants
Billie with Public Defenders under siege in Miami..and everywhere
Bipolarlawyercook with The guiltiest day of the year
Bon with The morning after
Chani with Don't let them take what's yours and Waging peace: Proposition 8
Defiant Muse with My hope for you and Equality for all
Em with What about this crisis? and Triple bottom line (TBL)
Emily with photos of a rally and Flying the banner
Emily with Resisting the urge
Erika with Equality is equality
Flutter with Helicopters make him cry
Girlgriot with Tannin', Tommin' and getting merry like Christmas
Gwen with A Hard Truth. A Soft Landing
Holly with Part of the main and Yes we can improve the health of our communities
Janet with Everything is connected and Something else for you to do
Jen with Turn of a phrase, mail call and A day like any other
Josh with What would it take, my brother?
Kyla with Heavy
Letters from Usedom with My African children
Mad with 1,385
Maggie, dammit with What are you Contributing with all that hate? and Violence Unsilenced
Magpie with Repurposed: hat and blankets
Mary with The Veterans
Monkeys on the roof with Summer cold
Mother Woman with Let them eat change
Neil with Another argument for gay marriage
Ngorobob House with Food for thought, mostly
Reya with The yin and yang of it all
Tanis with It's true: You can't put a price on stupidity
Zoom at KnitNut with Harm reduction in the context of real life

Readers
Alejna
Hele
Hetha
Holly
Jess
Mary
Mayberry Mom
Sin

I hope you'll stop and see how Mad and Su are sharing the news and if you are so inspired to take over hosting the Just Posts, please, please get in touch. And in between we should think about what kind of party we can have next month for our last Roundtable, if we are going out I aim to do it in style.

northern exposure

We spent Thursday in the City with friends and then planning a bit of a getaway we drove off into the night. We were on our way to visit her and her brood, finally accepting an invitation that was long overdue. We arrived up north the next day and were captivated all weekend long by the smells and sights of the woods and the coast. We ate a delicious beyond description meal cooked with love and hard work and child dodging by Mr. Egg, went hiking through redwoods and creeks and ferns and sand, tended to exuberant children and in between snatched moments of adult conversation.

Our daughters were the stars of the show, racing around their lovely wooded home squealing and laughing and tumbling and shrieking while adults juggled wine glasses and beer bottles and tried to stay out of their way. We talked the spectrum, from childbirth to politics to travel, travel, travel, a mutual lust for us all and by the time we drove off headed back south we felt full and happy, M sobbed a good fifteen minutes for Monkey obviously knowing she was leaving too soon. It wad lovely to be welcomed so entirely and the ease of conversation and just being together was special indeed.

It's almost time for the Just Posts again, our Roundtable is on the 10th and all are welcome to participate. All you have to do is send me a social justice/social awareness post you wrote in November (or someone else's you appreciated) to me at girlplustwo(at)yahoodotcom by the 7th. If this is new to you click on one of the purple and white buttons on the sidebar to your right. Join us.

October Just Posts

Nothing and everything has changed. All week we see people on the streets and there is a shared camaraderie, brazen smiles between strangers. We did it. The local taqueria, the one that usually has signs up for their specials was lit up in lights God Blessed America. Yes We Can! My father called in tears, saying that he hasn't been this happy since Nelson Mandela was elected President. My friends from France and England and Africa and Belize are over the moon. A newspaper reprinted a text message sent from a son to a mother:

Rosa Parks sat so Martin could walk,
Martin walked so Obama could run,
Obama ran so my children could fly

One of my closest friends is a teacher in Syria. You may have noticed the US launched airstrikes into their country recently and to pay us back Syria ordered American institutions closed and folks deported. My friend and her family were given 24 hours to leave their home and the country and they have no idea when they will be able to return. The day the school closed the children penned letters to Obama. She said they told her that now that he's in charge he can finally do the right thing. So they wrote him letters one day after he was elected while their school was being evacuated and asked for his help. My friend, she knows that the sentiments were right but their hopes probably too grand.

Skeptics say we need to guard against false hope, that no one man can fix everything. The rational part of me knows this but the idealistic part of me says it doesn't matter. We did this and we can do anything. We can do anything and we have to do everything. Yes we can.

The October Just Posts
Alejna with Blog Action Day
Billie with Registering the homeless to vote and Bolivia to USA: "Return Goni to justice"
Cecileaux with Thinking toward a new economy and Joe the plumber economics
Citymama with Letter to Wallie and Bunny before Election Day
Cyn at MOMocrats with National Happy Coming Out Day and No on California's Prop 8
Defiant Muse with Reprieve
Emily with How I know that I live in the South
Getting it wrong with Hippie girl days
Girlgriot with This and that one
Her Bad Mother with Angelina And Me, Our Bodies, Our Selves, Our CHILDREN'S Selves, and Sings The Tune Without The Words
Holly with Blog Action Day (After)
Jaelithe at MOMocrats with Blog Action Day: Education is the key to escaping poverty
Janelle with Wealth...
Jen with the flood pt. 4 - everything is still really bad and I am a real American
Jess with Redemption Song
Josh with Rescue package
Julie with River raft beds and other reflections
Kimberly with The ugly side of politics and people
Kyla with Joe the Plumber
Laloca with The intersection of poverty, psychiatry and the law
Lara with Gone a year and Were you bold? Did you wear red today?
LesbianDad with Oh the posts, they are coming fast and furious these days
Leslie with A perfect world and Proposition eight, proposition hate
Lia with Enriching Our Lives
Lisa Lam on CraftBoom! with Blog Action Day - Poverty. It’s helping, that’s what counts….
Maggie, dammit with Awareness, What are you contributing with all that hate and Please Help
Magpie with Healthy Eating
Mary with what women want
Mary Murtz with Reclamation
Maryam with Ethnic cleansing: Rwanda style, Rwanda and the 12 wishes and Rwanda and a colored place
Mir Kamin on BlogHer with National Mammography Day is October 17th
PunditMom with Taking our daughters to the polls
Rebecca with Trying to find the words, Donate to your local food pantry, Local food economies need local processing to thrive and Tax the rich: a rant about socialism
Social Justice Soapbox with International Day for the eradication of poverty and An apple for the teacher
Susan Wagner on BlogHer with DonorsChoose Challenge - Well, color me happy!
Suzanne Reisman on BlogHer with October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and Breast Cancer Awareness Month 2008: The Best of the Worst Marketing
Tiny Mantras with The early voting experience
Whiskey in my sippy cup with Just say no
Wrekehavoc with Kill the poor

Just Post Readers
Moosh!
Hel
Maggie
Holly
Alejna

Don't forget to stop by Mad and Su's before you go and see what they are talking about at the other ends of the Just Post Roundtable. And thank you all for your writing this month, each of these posts are truly inspiring and it's because of you that this Roundtable exists. So if this is new to you and you want to join us please know you are welcome. All you have to do is write. Yes you can.

the flood pt 3 - the village needs our help

Today J got this email from our neighbors in the village. It's a bit rough reading and there is a weird caps thing going on, but I'm choosing not to edit it:

Hey hope you are ok, this is a massive flood that hit the village and the Districts and villages around the country. It IS SO BIG THAT ME AND OTHER PEOPLE IN THE VILLAGE CAN'T BELIEVE IT. SO FOR RIGHT KNOW THEIR IS NO ELECTRICITY IN THE VILLAGE BECAUSE OF SOME ELECTRIC POST ARE UNDER WATER. THE WATER IS STILL HIGH ITS GOING DOWN BUT SLOW. THEIR IS ALSO NO WATER IN THE VILLAGE, BECAUSE THE RIVER WATER IS CONTAMINATED WITH SO MUCH BACTERIA, SO IT IS HARD FOR THE PEOPLE AROUND THE VILLAGE TO WASH THIER CLOTHS, TAKE A BATH. THE BRIDGE GOT UNDER WATER SO PEOPLE FROM THE OTHER SIDE CAN'T CROSS TO THIS SIDE. I WILL LIKE TO GET A HELP FROM YOU, IF YOU CAN HELP ME AND MY FAMILY, BECAUSE WE NEED TO BUY WATER, FOOD AND OUR CLOTHS ARE ALL WET BECAUSE OF NO WATER. TAKE CARE BROTHER.

This is from one of our neighbors, people who help us get water and make tortillas and show me how to do laundry and how to buy food in town (where I'm presuming they are able to send this email and others we've received this week). This is from the people who will take you in and feed you dinner when they have no money at all and they will hug you and hold your baby and treat you like family. In five years they have never once asked us for help so things must be pretty bad. We are going to wire them money but it doesn't feel like enough so I couldn't help but think that it can't hurt to ask my village here if you'd consider joining us in helping our village there.

If you want to join me in helping them please email me at girlplustwo(at)yahoodotcom. We have a paypal address but you'll need to email me so I can send it to you and I promise to send every cent to the jungle as soon as it's received.

I've only ever tried to raise money on this blog for established charities, so I'm feeling a little out of my depth right now but I can't sit here and do nothing while our soon to be neighbors have lost anything. I promise you it's going to good people who need our help.

Update: $120.00 has been raised so far - thank you so much. We just sent the first wire transfer and will do it again tonight as new $$ comes in. Any little bit helps. Thank you!

Update #2: Because your hearts are gigantic we've now raised a total of $320.00, all of which has been wired to the jungle. Thank you so, so much. Every dollar matters so if you are so moved, please let me know. They can use our help!

Update #3: We are up to $445. You are the most lovely people in the world. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

September Just Posts

It's not surprising that many of the posts featured this month have to do with American Politics. This is the last Roundtable before the election, emotions are running high and America's luck seems to be running out. The notion that has been briefly and in my opinion quite unsubstantially discussed in recent debates is that we all need to make do with less. It seems obvious to the observer, America acts like a binge eater, gobbling up oil and food and plastics with little regard for the world. As with any addict, there's always a rock bottom and a subsequent coming to Jesus and in our case the bottom seems to be wrapped up with blinking lights and a cherry on top, even as we sink the band plays on.

It's the unwillingness to face reality that startles me the most and I tend to believe in the American people more than this, that our politicians might be moving deck chairs around the Titanic but we are all underboard, scurrying around whispering trying to decide what to do and damn if we aren't maintaining our sense of humor, it's free and doesn't hurt a thing.

In conversation with a higher up in disaster management recently she lowered her voice and conveyed what we should already know: The shit is hitting the fan and it's bad. Earthquakes and hurricanes, drought and disease. The other secret she whispered was don't expect to count on us. You'll need to look to your neighbors to see you through. The sentiment was more about environmental disaster than financial but her words hold true.

These bailouts are not about us and no matter what we can't count on a market seemingly propped up with duct tape and paste. Instead we need to consider a life that looks very different than the one we lead now and we need to decide to embrace it. We can embrace it or be engulfed by it, but either way it's the end of the (American) world as we know it and I have a child to raise and magic to teach and I refuse, I patently refuse to let all of this bullshit get in my way. What matters now and has always mattered is us, who we are and who we want to be outside of the American Empire and corporate greed. What matters now is what we will do in the face of this uncertainty and how we will choose to live. And we'll be looking to each other to see us through.

The September Just Posts
Alejna with September 12, 2001
Border Explorer with Everything for Wall Street; Nothing for Main Street
Chani with Financial Smackdown, My Last Sarah Post, and Steal This Meme: Politics
Daily Kos with Amazing: Obama helped a stranded stranger
Denguy with Fear
Emily with Saving the planet for Starbucks customers of the future
Ewe Are Here with Busy Would Be and Understatement
Girlgriot with Speechless and Supermoms and super colliders
Holly with I couldn't hold it any longer and Pennies for peace
JCK with IMC project: Saving the lives of malnourished children
Jen at A2EATWRITE with How to vote/how to buy a car
Jen with Good morning America, how are you?
Jennifer at Faking It with To Support of not to support, that is not the question, as I see it
Julie with How you can help recent hurricane and tropical storm victims
Lia with Age And Ageism and Give Some Thought
Leslie with The most problemmatic of times
Los Angelista's Guide to the Pursuit of Happiness with Shiny and Bright Sarah Palin
Mad with Losing at the waiting game
Magpie with Ways to Make a Difference
Mary Murtz with Unfriended? Defaced? What?
Mir Kamin on Blogher with Men and Women: Becoming more alike makes 'em more different. What?
Mother Woman with Manning the Phones
Rebecca with That creepy obsession with virginity and In defense of a silver tongue
Red Stapler with Why I am voting for Barack Obama
Stephanie Pearl-McPhee with Dear Mr. Harper
The Ascent of Humanity with Construction and the Glass Factory
The American Prospect with Everybody Calm Down, Obama is hitting back
The Buddha Diaries with A Fistful of Bills
Under the Overpasses with The Sky is Falling--really! and The View from Down Here

Just Post Readers include:
Alejna
Thailand Chani
Painted Maypole

The Just Post Roundtable is here every month on the 10th and we welcome writing about social issues big and small and everyone is welcome. Don't forget to stop by Mad and Su's to see what's on their minds today too.

a secret corner

I am taking part in Catherine's Betchfest, an exchange geared at allowing bloggers to have a safe place to vent outside their own space and as such I have agreed to host another woman's post on my blog. She's asked to remain anonymous, but I am sure you'll be as moved as I am by her words and I applaud her courageousness in allowing her voice to speak here. I am sure she'd appreciate your comments about her post.

I am 11 weeks postpartum. Eleven weeks out from what I’m coming to realize was a truly a difficult, difficult pregnancy.

Throughout this pregnancy we moved house and into what would become a very stressful tenant/landlord situation, our son turned two and caught a violent strain of the rotavirus, landing him in the pediatric intensive care unit for five days, then a month later had tubes put in his ear. I vomited every day and gained only nine pounds. My husband filed bankruptcy and we unplugged our phone after my anxiety attacks came like waves every time the phone rang.
And here we are. Our beautiful daughter is a treasure and I love her with every ounce of my being. But those were some horrible ten months.

And now, my husband feels entitled to remind me that I was mean, and crazy, and unhappy, and complaining all the time. Here I am struggling with what I suspect is becoming a bout with my old friend depression and my husband must hold over my head what a burden I am, emotionally and financially.

In just this last week, he went to the movies, to a ball game, to the bar with my visiting brother. Last week he was gone all weekend at a bachelor party. And then he told me that I ask for too much. All I wanted was an hour to read a book at a coffee shop, alone. But we don’t have the money. Not even for a cup of coffee.

He hasn’t been kind to me. He’s miserable in his job. He carries the load of supporting our family, which we both felt was best. But the price these days has gone up, and I’m paying with my self-esteem and self-worth. To be reminded that I don’t bring an income in, to be made to feel as though I am less deserving of personal time, to be made to feel as a second class citizen in my home… fuck that shit.

And fuck you for saying I was mean, or unsupportive, or cranky, or insulting me because I didn’t want to have sex. I was vomiting and physically disabled. Thanks for your support.

I gave everything every single day to raising our son. There was very little left over for myself or for my husband. I did the best I could.

morning

It's easy to grow accustomed after so many years, the days I walk into work and remind myself that this is their home, folks waking up in pajamas after a long night or a restful one, either way rising with the masses. These walls are the first thing they see when their eyes open and I can't help but wonder if they meet the day with a groan as I sometimes do. But for me, it's simple. I rise and pad into my kitchen and make coffee, take a shower alone with the shampoo I've chosen. I open the blinds and let the day in and might even take a few minutes to check in with all of you. But my friends, they wake up and will wait for coffee, depending on the hour and showers are always rushed and in tandem, the never ending feeling of a locker room, walking the long hall to wait their turn. Then they'll eat what we serve and will pull clothes from rumpled bags and figure out how to make it through one more day without a place to call their own.

One of the guys I know is on his way out as I'm walking in, he's got his work clothes on and a sack lunch, he'll work all day moving rich folks belongings and then come back here tonight and eat what we serve and go to sleep with blankets we offer and wake up tomorrow and do it all over again. My work, the place I earn my keep is their home. Sometimes it's easy to forget we all wake up to the same sun.

I'm scrambling these days, work is kicking my ass and I'm running short on time to write and to make the rounds but I can't stand the plus two crib sitting silent so I've lined up some sisters to come and make themselves comfortable, ones who will bring a little levity into the house and I know you'll make them feel right at home.

this is your anthem

I wonder if you see your every day glory. You give birth, you comfort in sickness, you nurture into health. You stay home all day or you work all day but either way at night you are there. You paint or you read or you sing or you cook or you draw or sometimes a little of each. You teach them how to do the most basic to the often extraordinary and you are always there to cheer them on. You are there for the good stuff and for the not so good stuff too. You make sure they eat well and sleep well and have what they need. You listen to them and encourage them. You are always, always there, patiently creating a space for them to thrive. You might have better days than others but it's the sum rather than the parts that matter in the end.

And then you take the time to chronicle some of it. Sometimes it's the ugly bits and sometimes you brag and you brag because you've earned it and because it let's us celebrate along with you. You are brave enough to put issues into the light and ask for help when you need it. You are honest in self reflection and often more self-deprecating than is fair but we see right through it anyways. You create a history, not only for you but also one day for them. You challenge yourself to do more. You seek balance and sometimes you even find it. Your heart is moved in unspeakable ways every single day and you allow it to happen even if it hurts.

And you get up every single day and try your best to do it all over again. If you think about it, you are amazing, simply just by being you. At your worst, at your self-described worst you are still a bright light in the darkness. You always, always show up. I know this because I read about it every day in all of you. Bits and pieces and everywhere else. This is who you are.

And that makes you pretty damn cool.

July Just Posts

Sometimes but not often enough I have the honor of seeing one. A kid, someone in college or even still in high school, they show up and you can tell they are magic. This one, he was earnest when he said I'd like to see if I can help. So we put him to work and I got to see him in action. He was sincere and unafraid and smart and seemingly even here for the right reasons. After awhile we got to talking and he shares what he's seeing. I can't believe how bad it is. He talks about particular people, calling them by name. He's creative in solutions, he's not afraid to ask. It's got under his skin and I love it because it's the only way a kid like this would want to stay.

I ask him why are you here and he isn't quite sure except he can't sleep now knowing what he knows. I tell him he's onto something, that he's going to have a million opportunities, all more attractive than this. His friends won't get it, his family might not either. One day he might want to make some money, get a nice car. It's easy to walk away and forget and it's harder to stick around. This one, though, I think he might have fallen in love with this work. I tell him we need all the brains we can get, that I see that thing in him, that rare thing that says this kid can probably do anything he sets his mind to so I tell him in all seriousness that I hope he chooses this. This can be extraordinary too.

He asks me how old I am and how long I've been doing this and I tell him. He smiles then you must be a little crazy and I tell him Maybe. But those fancy cars and fat bank accounts are an illusion, you have to decide how you want to live. I'm also honest about my pending escape and perhaps because of it I press him again. We need some of the good ones to decide to stay. He might, he just might and I'll miss watching what he could potentially do if he decides to make this his thing.

The July Just Posts
Baha'i Thought with Generation Y on race
Cecilieaux with The beast drops the second shoe, Two boomer final solutions, Le socialisme americaine and Disparity
Chani with homelessness in perspective
Citizen of the world with A time to mourn. A time to heal.
Defiant Muse with like a rolling stone
girlgriot with A Girl Like Me and Oh yeah and we all look alike
Hamguins Hide-Not with OFG VIII peace
Hel with Life truths
Jen with Passing Through
Jill with A penny for your thoughts
Kaliroz with sticker shock
Kittenpie with Down and out in Riverdale
Krista with The melting pot post
Magpie with On Marriage
Mrs. G with Seventies
MYLIBLOG with Uncle Bobby's Wedding
Practical Spirituality with choosing beauty: where do we go from here and Sacred life Sunday: authentic beauty inspirations
Slouching Mom with For whom city lights glow
The Ascent of Humanity with The red pill
The Blog that Ate Manhattan with Abortion on the Web
Under the Overpasses with Geography of hope

Some of our faithful readers
Alejna
Carrie
Chani
Mama Tulip
Mary

Don't forget to swing by Mad and Su's places to see what they've cooked up this month and remember, we are here every month on the 10th and everyone is welcome. All you have to do is write. Or read. And to those of you who join us here month after month: from the bottom of my heart I thank you. It simply wouldn't be a roundtable without all of you.

americana

Every Saturday morning M and I walk to Farmer's Market, she on her bike and me with my pack. We talk along the way about things we want to buy, she always wants the same two things and my list varies depending on what's in season. Last weekend was the last of the asparagus, freesias were only here for a week or two but the summer fruit is bursting at the seams and the corn guy will be here for another month at least. Today we had a long list, squash and cauliflower, corn and basil, onions and peppers and all sorts of fruit. It's the food I crave but it's also the people, just being there often equals what we take away.

I see the older Mexican couple who man the strawberry table every single week. They love M but then again they love all the kids, they are always handing out samples and adding more berries to our baskets and talking to each other Linda, Querida, Bonita with smiles whenever M stops by. Today she ran over when I was still at the squash booth and made off with a basket of raspberries, I looked over and they are laughing and smiling as she's stealing them blind. The cookie lady isn't quite so agreeable, M must make her request with as much politeness as possible Please may I have a cookie? or the lady schools her on her manners while quite pointedly looking at me. Good thing her cookies are perfect, this time they met in the middle and agreed that Please can I have a cookie will do and I bite my tongue every week because she reminds me of an older version of Mary Poppins and for some reason that makes me want to please her too.

Women glide past in saris, the peaches and blues and greens are sublime and I want to reach out and touch them but I smile instead. The ladies with funky vegetable carrying contraptions never fail to cut us off mid stride and the old folks walk too slow and the parents are always distracted with their kids and there are at least 10 different languages being spoken at once. There is always music and once a month it's our friend with his afro-caribbean reggae goodness. Whenever he sees M he stops mid-song and calls out her name and gives her a kiss and we stop and dance and sing along. Today the old guy singing blues was there and the kids were dancing all over the place irregardless of the beat which made him mess up his song a couple of times because he couldn't help but laugh at them falling all over the place dancing like it's the Stones instead of Coltrane.

The sun is shining and tails are wagging and everywhere you look people are using reusable bags. The coffee house is jumping, the falafel guy has a line several people deep and the folks manning the Obama table get all kinds of cheers and waves and grins.

And every week after our pack is full and our money is gone we sit for awhile as M eats her cookie and I lean back into the sun and think to myself that there is no perfect moment more perfect than this.