the chicken is in the pot

Four hours later we emerge from the hospital triumphant. The baby is perfectly fine and with everyone's help the birthing account has been created. They are ready for their delivery. My friends asked me to come with them along each step, the MD visit, the lab, the ultrasound and seeing that floating baby made my eyes float a bit too. Here, there and everywhere the beat of life goes on.

Our last stop was the cashier and I stood off to the side watching them hand over what is to them an enormous sum. I see the father's eyes glaze over a bit and he shakes his head. Babies, they are expensive I say and he nods. The chicken is in the pot, he replies and that makes me laugh. Indeed. We drive home and they are smiling now, the weight of so much has been lifted.

Much of the MD appointment was in Spanish and my limited skills only took me so far. I ask when she told them to come back and they said we come back on her due date, the 20th. I start to laugh and I tell them they very well might be coming back sooner, the baby will tell them when to go so dates don't matter so much anymore. The relief is palpable and as we drive up to their little house swarming as always with kids and chickens and dogs and family everyone there is smiling as they tell them about the day. Later on my friend and the baby's grandma comes over with some freshly baked johnnycakes and gives them to me. Thank you, she said. They were worried and now everything is going to be okay. I tell her I am thankful for them, for all they teach me every day and while I can't make a nice beans and rice or very good tortillas, I can't catch a parrot or scale a fish there are some things I can do and getting things organized is one of them. It takes a village she says without a hint of irony in her voice. And it does.

Speaking of villages, there are some of our own that have moved some serious mountains this week. Linking is problematic some days so I have to give a giant squeeze to Jenny and Sarah, Brie and Amy, these fabulous woman have arranged to donate all of the supplies for the upcoming village art class which starts in a two weeks. The postmaster shakes his head at the boxes and as he opens them he is curious about what it's for and I tell him. Friends from the US want to make sure kids here can learn art and he smiles and charges the lowest possible duty, a token at best of .50 per box. Because of you these kids will get to do things they have never done before and holy cow, that's pretty darn cool. Another chicken is in the pot.

I'm starting to come around to this place, the bugs and the heat and the rickety nature of most things aside I see it more deeply now and less romantically, we need so much less than we think and yet we still need some things and there is a balance of Western and Not Western that is might not be necessary but is valued a lot, like rice in a sifter, we can strain out the icky bits before cooking it on the stove and a pot of rice goes a long, long way.

you don't know how precious you are

And so we are here. Sorry for the delay, but things have been hectic and internet is back to being spotty at best. Plus it's been raining, great big buckets of rain.

As we were landing back in the jungle last week J looked at me and said It feels like this has been one long day and I started laughing because that felt exactly right. Like the past month had been one surreal dream of doctors and hospitals and now as we walked down the jetway it felt like we were waking up. It smells different here, see. It smells like heat.

The night we came back we were invited for dinner, we sat with 6 other people under a palapa, eating good food and drinking too much wine (this friend, she finds wine here and it is good, but I think any wine here is good because it's hard to find) and the conversation was perfect, one of those long rolling nights full of laughter, telling stories. One of the things that continues to strike me here differently is what we talk about, here we talked all night of spiritual matters, not religion but spirit, of things people have encountered and how they've witnessed transformation. My priestess friend was there, radiant as usual and midway through the night she jumps up childlike to dance in the coconut grove under the moon. I watch her and I smile as she calls out to the stars.

This is what I have missed.

The next day I reconnect with the friend who has been collecting our mail in my absence. She and I carry 4 boxes to my car, four heavy boxes that are full, are full and overfull with school supplies. She looks at me in disbelief I can't believe your friends did all of this. Do you think they will mind if some of this goes to the other school in the village too? I tell her the truth, that I don't think you would mind at all as long as it's going where it was needed most and she said there is no shortage of that so I take the boxes home and start to open them and all of a sudden I am sitting in the middle of the floor crying because I am so humbled by your generosity and not only your generosity but for your love and gifts for M and for how you wrote notes telling me you did this with your children and how much it meant to them. I could say thank you two hundred and seventy six times and it would not feel like enough.

J stands over me in awe, he can't believe you would do something like this and yet at the same time he can, he's seen it before with the Just Posts and with the flood and with the orphanage in Africa and yet he still can't help but shake his head. Your friends, they don't even really know you and that's when I stood up and said you are wrong there buddy, just look around and tell me that we don't know each other and that our love for our community here isn't the same or better as anywhere else and he nodded his head you are right he said. And I am.

So I divided things up along with the things you'd sent to me in the States (you women are so creative, feathers and glitter and shells and blocks and glue and paint and sparkles and so much colored paper and crayons?) and took the biggest box to M's school and two smaller boxes to two other schools, each teacher stood in shock and hugged me tight. I let them know this wasn't from me but from my wonderful friends and they all said to thank you so much. And today when I dropped M off at school they were using playdoh for the first time and they had new puzzles, and new crayons on the table. The children are using new and different and better supplies today because of each of you. One other box is still waiting, apparently there is a homeschool out in the bush where there are only 10 or so kids who can't make it into the village. I hear they have next to nothing and my neighbor asked if we could share some of our supplies with them too. Four different schools. You helped four different schools and if there was more I could keep going, the need here will forever outshine the resources in a way that's hard and stupid and honest and real.

So for the two hundredth and seventy seventh time, I thank you.

Want to know the song in my head? The Ocean by Dar Williams

day 30: novelty and reality

We've been here a month now, in this time we've learned how to shop for eggs and produce at the outdoor market, where to get the cheapest milk and chicken, where the best panades and garnaches are and how I can feel full on .50. I've learned the fastest way to get a collectivo (taxi), figured out M's school (and even managed to ask you all for help), had one visit to the MD and one to the moon, got a puppy and a hammock, learned how to cook with butane and have wielded more packing tape to ancient screens in the name of bug whispering than a girl should ever use in her lifetime. I've got some time here now, and all of this has led me to a few observations which I will kindly share with you.

1. To the makers of Charmin toilet paper: What gives? You make one kind of paper for the US and one for everywhere else? Do you think people here don't deserve to wipe their asses the same way as folks in the West? The crap you peddle here is ridiculous, I can't believe you put your brand on it which goes to show how little you must think of us, we who still need to wipe our asses even outside of the States. It's so thin it falls almost off the roll, and are the smallest rolls you can imagine. What gives, makers of Charmin?
2. What gives, makers of ice cream? Have you not found a way to import your wares into this country, so that we are forced to rely on the local ice cream, which is really just frozen milk and air and generally filled only about a third of the way up the container. What gives, Dreyers, Breyers and Baskin? There's a market here waiting for you. I don't even like ice cream but my kid does and this might be the least you can do.
3. Jungle bugs. You dudes are such suckers, literally. Must you bite us into oblivion? Must you be so creepy, falling off the walls and popping out in the dark? J stepped into a tick nest and who had to pull out 15 of you little suckers? Me, that's who. Using tweezers that once were for my eyebrows but since I haven't worn make up in a month haven't had to use till now) That's just gross, jungle bugs. The frog I accidentally grabbed this morning when reaching into my washing machine? This goes for you too, buddy.
4. What gives, sudden rainstorms? I'm feeling decidely amazonian, watching my freshly (and frog free) laundry swaying in the breeze between two palms like little prayer flags when suddenly it starts pouring, pouring, pouring. I think you like seeing me race out to the line and snatch things off like a crazy person only to stop raining as soon as I'm done. I get it, I'm a newbie. You could go easier on me is all I'm saying. Stop laughing at me.
5. What gives, jungle roads? People drive crazy, there are potholes and craters everywhere and I literally bounce along everywhere I go. You try carrying home eggs in a bag (no neat little egg cartons here folks) down those roads. Be sure to watch for the wild horses. And the dogs. And the pigs. And the roosters. And people. It's like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride every single day. No matter that M loves it, she rolls her window down all the way and hangs her head out screaming HORSES PIGS DOGS CHICKENS everywhere we go. No matter if that's really cute. Ok, it matters some. I don't really mind you that much, jungle roads.

The lovely Painted Maypole has kindly offered to facilitate getting supplies to M's jungle school. She is happy to have folks ship the donated items to her in the States and then she'll forward things along in one package OR she's offered to accept donations via paypal which she'll use to then purchase educational items for the classroom. If you are interested in either option, please email her directly at pntdmaypoleATyahoo.com. Isn't she the coolest chick ever?

Here's what the school looks like, the outside of the classroom and part of the playground. More pictures coming soon.


So if you'd still like to contribute to stocking a little Central American preschool with much needed educational supplies, this might make it easier for you. You can also scroll down to my Full Moon post and read the list of stuff they need. And for everyone who has already contacted me, I thank you so much. It's consistently humbling and amazing how this community of ours always seems to say yes.

day 23: full moon

The Moon Ritual was amazing, there are no two ways about it. A new friend invited me, so at the appropriate time we drove high into the hills to an amazing house where a group of fantastic women were gathered. We ate, drank and then moved into the ritual space where one of the women (who is also a Shaman) lead the group through the process culminating with burning our arrows in the fire. I am like a sponge, humble and open and yielding, so each encounter feels authentic and I am starting to understand why I was drawn to this place. I was drawn to this place to learn to trust myself and to learn from the wisdom of women elders, that became clear to me last night and is scary and exciting all at once because no matter what, this place is going to change me in ways that I want and do not want but if I want to walk through these new doors there are people here who will and are showing me the way.

So much of this place is hard and that's not me complaining but acknowledging a truth, someone recently said this country chews you up and spits you out and yet you come back for more and it made so much sense because this is not tropical america no matter how much you want to think that it is. It is foreign and different and complex and yet at the same time there is magic and wonder and mystery here. It's just coated in bugs and dirt and heat.

Speaking of hard and different, if you still want to help M's preschool I finally have the list. You should know that shipping things here is expensive, probably cost $20 or more to send a package so please don't feel any obligation but if you are willing I'd love to help out in some small ways, these kids are lacking in basic supplies that would mean so much.

In no particular order she's asked for:

Crayons: the kind you get at learning places where you can get a dozen or more of the same color, like 12 reds, 12 blues and so on. If not she'll take regular crayons but specifically asked for this.
Felt board cutouts for story time
Markers - washable
Legos
Puzzles (ages 4-5)
Pencils
Construction Paper
Glue
Googly eyes
Pipe Cleaners
Glitter
Blocks
Story books (ages 4-5)
Play doh
Paints (washable)
Paint brushes
Coloring books
Tape
Games
Laminated word cutouts. Not sure what this is but you preschool teachers probably will.
Basically anything educational or crafty

She has about 25 kids in her class and supplies are really hard to get here and what you can get costs a lot and is terrible quality. So if you are game send me an email at girlplustwoATyahooDOTcom and I'll send you the address. I think she'll be happy for whatever she is able to get to help the kids. She can't believe folks are willing to help but I told her I come from a very good village and that seemed to make a lot of sense.

yes we did

Yes. We Did.

And there was much rejoicing in the nation. More to come, but tonight it simply comes down to this. Yes we did. Good Lord Almighty, yes, we did.

letting my conscience be my guide

I'd arranged awhile back to take M on a date of sorts to one of those godawful skating Disney nightmares on ice. As the day approached the excitement increased and yesterday we found ourselves sitting in an enormous stadium surrounded by commercialism and hyped up children. I was doing this because I knew she's love it, so I decided to suspend my disbelief for a few hours, contentedly settling into my seat with M to one side.

Immediately it was chaos. The family behind us purchased some of those freakish plastic Mickey heads filled with some sort of purple liquid. Within a few moments the kids dropped them and as is commonly known, shit runs downhill. We now have a puddle of goo at our feet. Sweet.

That didn't stop the hawkers preying on young impressionable minds with their rotating glowing things and plastic weaponry. They'd approach even as I glare at them impervious to my intimidating chill. Dude, shoo, I say as M's eyes light up and again I say Dude, shoo and he'd look at me askance and wander off. Take that Disney.

The show finally starts and it's typical at best. Princesses are being duly saved by Princes and the softly played evil attempts to transcend over good without success. My eyes are rolling back in my head saved only by intently focusing on my child's face, her eyes are beautiful and her hand clasps mine tightly. She crawls in my lap as we share a tiny chair. In profile she's stunning and I get to stare at her for longer than usual because she's sitting so still.

Just as I'm starting to wonder if they sell beer at this thing the scene shifts into a different riff, my childhood is brought front and center with dozens of skaters come out representing the world. They clasp hands and glide in circles, their voices clear:

it's a world of laughter, a world of tears

its a world of hopes,

its a world of fear

theres so much that we share

that its time we're aware

its a small world after all

its a small world after all

its a small world after all

its a small world after all

its a small, small world

There is just one moon and one golden sun

And a smile means friendship to everyone.

Though the mountains divide

And the oceans are wide

It's a small small world

And my eyes well up with tears and I sing silently along. Amidst all the commercialism and the ridiculousness, it's still this. From those of you in England whose exchange rate with ours means even more money for the jungle, to folks I've never met who so graciously and quickly agreed to help people they do not know. It's this. It is a small world after all.

After the show we walk out into the light. M's still holding my hand and she looks up at me thank you mama, thank you and her smile is wide. We get past the last of the stands selling stupid shit and I notice her eyes grab hold. I clasp tighter as we walk past and she says see Mama, I didn't ask you to buy anything because I didn't need it even though it looks really good and I feel the tears in my eyes again and I pick her up and hug her tight and realize this wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Thank you again for your incredible generosity in helping my friends who have been affected by flooding in Central America. Because of you, a water pressure pump, water, food and medicine have all been purchased for folks who are in desperate need. If you still want to help, please email me at girlplustwo(at)yahooDOTcom. My friends in the Village are so thankful to you.

Update: We are now up to $800.00. You are my heroes. Thank you.

Update #2: We are now up to $890.00. You can't see me but I'm dancing. Thank you. Thank you all for spreading the word and for sharing your precious dollars.

the flood pt. 4 everything is still really bad

*The Flood Pts. 1, 2 and 3 are below.

Our friends sent us some pictures last night, the first is the center of the Village - the tiny light blue structure in the middle of the shot is the bus stop and the structure to the right of it is where the village normally gets it's bottled water. They whole area was similar to a roundabout, roads going one way and another and are all underwater. There was a bridge but it's either submerged or gone all together.

This is our little house, as you can see the water is still pretty high, we have no idea what condition it will be in when we get there. It's pretty though, isn't it? Some of our neighbors who have lost their home have asked if they can stay in it since we aren't there so hopefully the damage won't be too bad. Our friends say that 6 people from the village are missing and most of the livestock and cars. The water hasn't receded very much yet so it's still hard for them to know where things stand.
Because of all of you I was able to wire more money to them last night, the first wire went to a multigenerational family, ages 4 -72 who have lost their home and their garden and just about everything else. This time the money went to a single mom with 2 girls, she relies on tourism but with her simple guestlodge flooded she's got no money and nowhere to stay.

If you'd still like to contribute we can get it to them right away, there are more people who need help than there is money. Please contact me at girlplustwo(at)yahooDOTcom if you'd like to be a part of the amazing group of folks who have been generous beyond comprehension. The folks on the other end of your kindness are so thankful, blogging doesn't make sense to them but I let them know about all of you and how amazing your hearts are and they thank you too.

Update: We've now raised $710.00. The water still hasn't receded and it's been 8 days. Folks are getting sick and your donations purchased much needed food and clean water. Thank you.

Update #2: Up to $750.00 as of Sunday AM. Thank you.

thank you

There aren't enough words to express my gratitude that so many of you would so generously give money to people you do not know. As of today, we've received $510 - an amount that goes twice as far where it's going and will be used to offset the loss of basic needs like clean water and food. Some of you have said you'll give over the weekend so we'll hold anything else that comes and send another wire on Monday. I am overwhelmed at your compassionate spirits.

And more than that, you've given me hope and filled my head with ideas about what else is possible. So from the bottom of my heart - Thank You.

Update: $610 has been raised. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

the flood pt 3 - the village needs our help

Today J got this email from our neighbors in the village. It's a bit rough reading and there is a weird caps thing going on, but I'm choosing not to edit it:

Hey hope you are ok, this is a massive flood that hit the village and the Districts and villages around the country. It IS SO BIG THAT ME AND OTHER PEOPLE IN THE VILLAGE CAN'T BELIEVE IT. SO FOR RIGHT KNOW THEIR IS NO ELECTRICITY IN THE VILLAGE BECAUSE OF SOME ELECTRIC POST ARE UNDER WATER. THE WATER IS STILL HIGH ITS GOING DOWN BUT SLOW. THEIR IS ALSO NO WATER IN THE VILLAGE, BECAUSE THE RIVER WATER IS CONTAMINATED WITH SO MUCH BACTERIA, SO IT IS HARD FOR THE PEOPLE AROUND THE VILLAGE TO WASH THIER CLOTHS, TAKE A BATH. THE BRIDGE GOT UNDER WATER SO PEOPLE FROM THE OTHER SIDE CAN'T CROSS TO THIS SIDE. I WILL LIKE TO GET A HELP FROM YOU, IF YOU CAN HELP ME AND MY FAMILY, BECAUSE WE NEED TO BUY WATER, FOOD AND OUR CLOTHS ARE ALL WET BECAUSE OF NO WATER. TAKE CARE BROTHER.

This is from one of our neighbors, people who help us get water and make tortillas and show me how to do laundry and how to buy food in town (where I'm presuming they are able to send this email and others we've received this week). This is from the people who will take you in and feed you dinner when they have no money at all and they will hug you and hold your baby and treat you like family. In five years they have never once asked us for help so things must be pretty bad. We are going to wire them money but it doesn't feel like enough so I couldn't help but think that it can't hurt to ask my village here if you'd consider joining us in helping our village there.

If you want to join me in helping them please email me at girlplustwo(at)yahoodotcom. We have a paypal address but you'll need to email me so I can send it to you and I promise to send every cent to the jungle as soon as it's received.

I've only ever tried to raise money on this blog for established charities, so I'm feeling a little out of my depth right now but I can't sit here and do nothing while our soon to be neighbors have lost anything. I promise you it's going to good people who need our help.

Update: $120.00 has been raised so far - thank you so much. We just sent the first wire transfer and will do it again tonight as new $$ comes in. Any little bit helps. Thank you!

Update #2: Because your hearts are gigantic we've now raised a total of $320.00, all of which has been wired to the jungle. Thank you so, so much. Every dollar matters so if you are so moved, please let me know. They can use our help!

Update #3: We are up to $445. You are the most lovely people in the world. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

old time rock and roll

Heather asked me to list some of my favorite posts. It comes from a meme that's going around but I can't quite follow rules very well (and Heather doesn't know that about me yet) so I'll offer a slightly abridged version and call it good.

Posts on love: My favorites are some of the ones that tell the story of we three and my journey into mothering and my beautiful child.

Posts I like: I have a fondness for the ones about our travels.

My great passion besides the above are chronicled in some of the ones about my work and the incredible people I've met. And the kids too.

And I am rather proud of the ones that fostered the Just Posts and their ongoing
evolution.

And once in awhile I even think I'm funny. But only once in awhile. I'm way more fun in real life. But you'll have to take my word for it unless you bring your sweet asses to BlogHer this year.

PS. After I did this I realized that so many of you have been in my village for so long, for a year or more, you've come round visiting. It brought tears to my eyes to see the early getting to know you comments and the evolution of the relationships in the present, so while it wasn't the point of this post, thank you for that too. Old friends and new.

healthcare and you

We are debating healthcare this week over at MOMocrats, from the political to the personal. If you have a story or opinion you'd like to share on this critical issue send me an email and let me know. If you out of country types can lend some thoughts as to how to make our system better (hint, more like Canada, more like France!), we'd love to hear from you too.

we are our sisters keeper

I've been writing for MOMocrats for a while now, and we've been dedicated to raising the public debate on the election and the candidates and policies involved. But politics are personal and Kyla graciously agreed to share her own story and you can read it here. Come sit with us and help figure out how to change a system that's failing people we love and those we've yet to meet.

Because if not us, then who?

And perhaps we can take a lesson from the smallest around us. Go and visit Carrie's son Wyatt as he raises money for orphaned children in Africa. That kid is money, I tell you. Pure money.

(Because we are our brothers keeper too.)

yet another reason blogging has saved my ass

The famously hip and gorgeous Kiki heard my cry and sent me a care package with her daughter's old princess dresses in it a couple of days ago. Crown included.
Mere words will not suffice in expressing the outrageous joy in a little California town this weekend. Dresses have been simultaneously worn and not yet removed, not even for sleep. We went out to dinner in the above dress and M pranced around the various tables plaintively whining do you see I'm a princess? I'm a princess! to anyone who would glance her way.

And in case you missed them, our Just Post roundtable is just below. It was a fantastic round up this month.