therein lies the judging

Your comments (thank you) to yesterday's post had me pondering why I am reluctant to (publicly) pass judgments. Some of you commented that we all do it, and of course we do. A hundred times a day, from the overarching news of the day: Falwell is dead, see ya fucker (sorry, I couldn't resist the joke from a previous post) to the minute (that guy who just cut me off is an asshole) to issues such as how others parent, etc.

Of course we do. It's how we make sense of the world. I have my world view, and I need the things around me to fit into that construct based on my spectrum of morality and ethics and the like. But at the end of the day, what do judgments really get us?

I think it widens the gap rather than closing it. But I am not sure how we organize our constructs around the things we see without doing it, it's something we've all been taught early on. You are like me, that is good. You are not like me, that is weird, scary, confusing, strange, wrong. Entire tolerance movements have been driven by the judgment of others.

And of course, some judgments are right on and necessary and keep other people safe. But moving the judgment into action that results in a more positive outcome is the kicker, right? My armchair waxing isn't helping my neighbor, and neither is giving her the impression that I think her husband is a smuck. No doubt she already knows he's a smuck and doesn't need me pointing it out. So how does one express their judgment in a way that isn't alienating?

I know when I feel judged in a way I disagree with I feel compelled to prove why that judgment was wrong. I know I take deep offense. But if someone points something out that resonates and makes me want to try something different, or identifies a defense mechanism or behavior I need to take a look at, I am honestly very grateful. But it's an art form, delivering that nudge without alienating the individual.

It's early, this isn't well thought out (hey, no judging) and I am rambling. But I am curious:

How can we use our judgments to have a positive outcome? And what is the benefit to judging if there is no outcome at all?